Pop Up Ads And Why They Suck
by What The Crapola Is This
Summary: YES, I JUMPED ON THE BANDWAGON. First fic ever. What happens when you accidentally order Hetalia characters online? Hilarity ensues. Rated T for language. Based off LolliDictator's/est.1995's Manuals.
1. Rude Awakenings

**A/N: So welcome to the beginning of this fiction. Not much action here, but it's just the beginning, so be patient. I may update once or twice a week, depending on my schedule. Oh, and school. But I'm nearly done with that! Yay, summer! Anyways. This fic is rated T for language. And maybe some other shit later, but that's not the point. Now read!**

**Disclaimer: WhatTheCrapola doesn't own Hetalia, and be glad she doesn't or else there would be huge amounts of crack pairings running around everywhere. All I own is the story and my OC's.**

I blink open my eyes, slowly adjusting to the early morning sun. What a beautiful day it was going to be. I stand up and stretch before turning around to grab my robe. It's cold in the mornings, and I need to keep warm, lest I turn into a ferocious beast. I pad slash stumble down the stairs to the kitchen, where I begin to make some tea[1]. I need my tea in the mornings. I know, I sound like some weak little pussy - like, why aren't I drinking coffee? Well the answer to that is because I hate coffee. That stuff is disgusting. I finish making my tea and lean against the counter, breathing in the delightfully scented steam. Aaah.

Wait a second. Where's Tony? He usually is up by now. I glance at the clock. Ten o'clock. Well, we both slept in, I supose. Either way, we have to be at the movie theatre by two, so it wouldn't hurt to get him up now. I smile a little and set my mug on the counter. I know the perfect way to get him up. I walk over to a drawer and open it, pulling out an air horn. Oh yeah. This is going to be fun. On my way to his bedroom, I grab a roll of duct tape sitting on the stairs and pull off a peice, tearing it with my teeth.

I silently pull open the door to Tony's room (Yeah, I'm a ninja. Thanks for asking.) and grit my teeth. Quickly I tape down the button thingy, throw it at Tony's snoring form, and run. The air horn blares through the house, quite effectively waking up my roommate (and probably a few of the neighbors, too). I dash halfway down the stairs, then stop and listen with a smile on my face.

I hear a shrill scream then a loud thump as Tony probably falls out of bed. he comes running out of the room, wildly waving a baseball bat and yelling something along the lines of "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" I can't restrain a giggle, and of course that sends me into hysteria and I practically fall down the stairs. That's when Tony notices me literally rolling on the floor laughing and drops the bat.

"Starr..." growls Tony, stepping down the stairs towards me. I quickly stop laughing and sit up, legs splayed across the floor."Did you do that?" he asks, glaring at me while running a hand through his short brown hair. I climb to my feet and put on my perfected poker face.

"Of course not. That is a rather crude way of awakening someone." I say in a failed British accent. Tony sighs and cracks a smile. "Well, we're the only ones in this house, and I was asleep-key word _was_- so that leaves you."

I look at the floor and sigh dramatically. "Fine, I concede. I did the dirty deed. Hey, that rhymes!" I brush my long white hair out of my eyes and turn away. "Hm. Well, you're awake now, so make me some waffles." I go to the couch and sit down, turning on the Wii. Tony groans and walks to the kitchen."You're lucky I'm hungry too, or else you'd be making breakfast."

I smirk. Score one for Albino Girl.

Prussia would be proud.

**BLAAAHHHH THIS CHAPTER IS SO BLOODY SHORT! AUGH EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO HIT MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL TT^TT /rant over But seriously, I hate how short this is. My other chappies will be longer, I promise! Stay with me!**

**Love from What The Crapola**


	2. How It Begins

**A/N Good day to all the awesome people reading this. Prussia would approve! I felt sorta guilty for making the last one so short, so here's this chapter a few days before planned. WE GRATEFUL! Anyway, in this chapter I prove that it actually is a Hetalia fic. Now shut up and read! Oh and a HUGE thanks to HetaliaOverload for first review! Now I know why people are always asking for reviews, they make me feel loved ^_^**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in here but my OC's and the story. Unfortunately.**

Ten minutes later, I have waffles. Tony sets the plate down on the table in front of me, and I look down from the TV to see the waffles just the way I like it. Drenched in maple syrup with lots of butter[1]. Fattening, I know, but also insanely delicious. I dig in and finish before Tony's even had one bite.

"Aah, love waffles." I sigh, leaning back and looking at the TV.

"I noticed. You practically vacuumed them up!" says Tony, cutting his waffles into pieces before-politely-shoveling them into his face. Soon we're both done, and we navigate to Netflix on the Wii.

"What'ya wanna watch?" I ask. Tony considers for a moment, then yells "SPONGEBOB!" and takes the remote from me. I smile. "Okay, Spongebob it is." Tony does a little wiggly happy dance thingy and then promptly settles in to watch everyone's favorite cartoon sponge.

:x:x:x:x:x:x:

The phone rings, breaking us out of our cartoon daze. I pad into the kitchen and pick it up.

" 'ello?" I ask, stifling a yawn. I'm still not fully awake.

"Hi Starr! i just wanted to see if we're still on for the movie on Wednesday!" pipes my friend Tanya through the phone. I groan. It was much too early for this. But then again, it was Tanya. She can be a little overwhelming sometimes.

"Yeah, we're still on. But can I bring Tony?"

Tanya giggles. "Sure, you can bring your little boyfriend." I feel my face get hot. "He's not my boyriend! You know Tony's only living with me till he gets a job and can afford his own place!" I whisper-yell, because everybody knows that's the scariest type of yelling.

"Okay! Okay! I was just kidding!" Tanya says. I hear her mutter something like "touchy!" under her breath, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it. "Okay! Gotta go! Bye!" I say quickly, then hang up. It's definately too early to deal with her.

I walk back to the couch, where Tony is done and episode of Spongebob and is choosing another one. I grab my laptop and head up the stairs.

"Hey, where'ya going, Starr?" Tony calls from behind me , twisting around to face me. I keep walking and call over my shoulder, "Going upstairs to use the laptop. Leave me alone."

Tony scrambles off the couch and grabs my shoulder. "But Starr, don't you want to watch more Spongebob with me?" he asks, giving me his puppy dog eyes. Usually I would end up giving in to his puppy dog eyes, but after living with him or almost a year and having him manipulate me with them, I learned to resist them fairly well.

"Nope. Now leave me alone." I repeat, pulling away from him with the laptop cluched to my chest. I head up the stairs and lock myself in my room, collapsing on the bed. I'm not always this harsh, but I value my computer time. The computer keeps me connected to the world and up to date. And also, Tony hogs the computer every chance he gets, so if I don't get it early then I'll never get it.

I open the laptop and get started doing my thing. First Facebook, then Reddit, then whatever. Twenty minutes later, I have exhausted Facebook, so I head to Reddit and go to my usual place, the subreddit for Hetalia. Hetalia is my obsession. I'm aiming to gather all the merchendise I can, but so far I have exactly nothing. Mainly because I'm broke, but whatever.

I end up on some random site looking at a picture of America being hot, when my screen is bombarded with random pop-up ads. Ugh. I hate these things. I start so click through them, each one promising a free iPad or something, when I come across one that looks interesting. It reads "Hetalia Units", then a continue button. I smile and click it. this could be interesting. However, as soon as I click it, it says "Thank you for ordering Hetalia Units. Please allow 3-4 buisness days for your shipments to begin arriving."

Wait, what?

Oh no.

Well, looks like I'm getting some units, whatever they are.

I wonder how Tony's gonna take this.

**[1] Why yes,I am Canadian. And I live on maple syrup like Russia lives on vodka ^_^;**

**A/N: Yeah, this chapter is pretty damn short, longer than the last one by a little, but deal with it. I know I promised that these would be longer, but I SWEAR ON RUSSIA'S SCARF that the next one is longer. This one is about 100 words longer than the last one, in case you're wondering. Review and whatever. Please? Peace out~ **

**-What The Crapola**


	3. The Marathon

**A/N Well a big hello to all of you who have actually waited this long for this. Sorry I'm such a slow updater, I'll work on that. I'm just a little short on time here, so sorry if it seems rushed. What's with all these 'sorry's? Heh, I dunno. Not schizo. FML. I really shouldn't be writing right now, but I wanna put this out there for you guys. Be GRATEFUL! Um, yeah. Sorry for any spelling mistakes. DAMMIT ANOTHER SORRY! They're invading my author notes, even! The nerve of them! Ugh. Um, Enjoy?**

I snap shut my laptop and sit on it. What have I done? Well, this is quite the predicament. I suppose my first course of action is to tell Tony, because he's living here too. I grab my computer and go downstairs, where Tony is watching _yet another_ episode of Spongebob. That show is like a drug to him. I place my laptop in the kitchen, beside my long-forgotten cup of now cold tea, take a deep breath and step into the living room.

"Hey Tony?" I ask, sitting down on the couch beside him. He pauses his show and looks at me. "Yeah?"

"You know Hetalia?"

"You mean that show that manages to make its way into our conversations every time we speak? [1] Yeah, I know it a little." laughs Tony. When he sees I'm not laughing, he shakes his hair out of his eyes and looks at me again. "So what is it?"

I take another deep breath. ``I ordered the characters online. They'll be here by Wednesday."

Tony stares at me for a moment, confused. "You ordered them... online?" he says slowly. I wince slightly and brace myself for the explosion. However, it never comes.

"You can do that? Cool! Aww yeah, this'll be AWESOME!" Tony screams, jumping up and pumping his fists in the air. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. At least he's not mad. "However, who are the characters? How many? Like three or four?"

" Well, I don't actually know who or how many. Or in what order they're going to arrive. And if you want to know the characters, I should get you to watch some Hetalia. Yeah, that's it!" I sit up straighter. "We'll have a marathon! Let's go!"

I grab Tony by the wrist and lead/drag him into the kitchen, where I grab my laptop and then continue to run up to my bedroom with Tony in tow. Good thing he isn't protesting or this would be a heck of a lot harder. Well, I suppose his screams for me to let go count as protests, but they aren't affecting me. We get to my bedroom, I throw him on the bed, I sit down beside him and we start our Hetalia marathon.

:x:x:x:x:

Two hours later, we've gotten through most of season 1 and Tony entirely loves it. We laughed so hard at some scenes that we were literally rolling on the floor laughing. We're sitting on the bed, faces flushed, when I notice the time. One o'clock.

"HOLY FLYING FRENCHMEN I'M GONNA BE LATE! [2] " I scream, jumping up and scaring Tony shitless.

"Wha- Starr, what are you-" Tony has time to partially sit up before I scoop him up and literally kick him out the door. From the other side of the now-locked door, I hear confused questions and complaints. I yell back a quick answer as I pull on my shirt.

"I need to get to work! And I'm gonna be late!"

"...Oh. I knew that."

I sigh and pull my hair back into a loose ponytail, securing it with a ribbon. I have to get to the restaurant at which I work as a waitress. The uniforms are these black shirts and matching, ridiculously short skirts. And shoes that give me blisters. I really should talk about that with my boss, Sian. Either way, I burst out of my room and dash down the stairs, pausing once to put on my shoes and yell a quick goodbye to Tony before running to catch the bus.

:x:x:x:x:x:x:

The afternoon goes by at a painstakingly slow pace. Thankfully, my boss's voice interrupts my thoughts with exactly what I want to hear.

"Hey, you can go now, Starr. Your shift is over!" says Sian, wiping her hands off on her apron. I smile and nod, taking off my apron and putting it on the counter beside me. "Thanks for letting me off early tonight. I really appreciate it."I say.

"No problem. Why do you need to leave early anyway?"

Well crap. "I need to... train for a marathon!" [3] Yeah, that's it.

Sian looks at me curiously but seems to accept it. I let out a breath and wave to her over my shoulder as I walk out. "See ya tomorrow, Sian!"

"Good luck with the marathon, Starr! 'Night!"

I smile a little as I step into the fresh air. I think the marathon will go just fine, thank you very much.

:x:x:x:x:x:x:

When I get home,Tony is neither in the kitchen nor on the couch watching Netflix. I drop my keys onto the counter and go upstairs. Where is he? Just then I hear a muffled giggle coming from the hallway. I frown a little and sneak down the hall, stopping at my bedroom and pressing my ear to the door.

"Oh my gosh, that line! aahfzgfvtjymyukvgfrcxzasw..." [4] comes the strangled cry. Suddenly it hits me like China's wok. He's watching Hetalia! I almost break the door kicking it open, then run into my room and tackleglomp Tony. He looks flustered, and I look at the screen. "Sorry..." he mumbles into my shoulder, 'cause that's where his head is pressed. I look closer at the screen and gasp. He's already up to World Series Episode 37! I squeeze him in another backbreaking hug, then loosen my grip and fall back onto the bed, stroking his hair.

"I'm so proud of you. My good little boy has been doing his studies!" I sing, still patting Tony's head as he awkwardly tries to squirm away. He gives up trying to resist and goes limp. "But why did you say sorry? I'm glad you accomplished so much!"

"I thought you might be mad at me for watching some without you..." Tony mumbles, voice muffled by my t-shirt. I pull him into another hug, so tight he can't breathe. Then he punches me in the jaw and I let go.

I 'aww' at him like he's a lost puppy wrapped in adorable and sautéed in cute with a side dish of mayo. " I would never get mad at you for something like this! Now, wanna watch the rest with me?" Tony nods eagerly, and we settle in for the last leg of the 'marathon'.

:x:x:x:x:x:x:

We lie on our backs, staring at my lavender celling.

"That was awesome" says Tony, a big smile on his face.

Extremely" I say back.

"Why isn't there more?"

"I dunno."

"Hey Starr?"

"AUGHHH!" I scream, frightening Tony for the third time today. Hm, new record. Anyway. He looks at me, probably questioning my sanity. Before he can open his mouth, I fall back on the bed and whisper, "I'm tired. Go away." I then curl up in a ball and promptly close my eyes. As I drift off, I feel a blanket around me and smile, visions of the Bad Touch Trio dancing in my head[5].

**[1] Happens to me too often. Seriously though, I swear it makes everything just that much funnier.**

**[2] Actually used this today. Everyone around laughed and my teacher got mad, but it was totally worth it.**

**[3] Its partially true.**

**[4] First off, exact quote. I died at the, "This is the punch line?" and also again at "The Greek army is coming! There's no hope now!" SO MANY HAIRBALLS! Second, that was very fun to type out. I just sort of smashed my hand on the keyboard a few times.**

**[5] Night Before Christmas, anyone? Ha, sorry, just had to put that in there.**

**So, I hope you enjoyed reading it, read and review, and all that shit. Hasta la pasta! **

**Love What The Crapola**


	4. The First Unit

**A/N OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! I AM SOOOO SORRY D: I'm glad you stuck with me through this! Seriously, I love you for not giving up on me. But not in a creepy way! Anyways. My computer was fucked up for the longest time, and I couldn't get anyone to fix it until today! But It's better now, so I won't make you wait ridiculously long periods of time for the next update. Seriously people, don't kill me please. The chapter's up, and it's longer than usual, too! Enjoy it! Hurr. I had something else to say here, but I forgot. Don't you hate it when that happens? I know I do. Hmm, this author's note is getting pretty long. Oh wait! I don't care! Oh well, I'll stop blabbering aimlessly and let you read now. **

**Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine, I just think it's awsome enough to write about!**

I awaken to the light dim and filtering weakly through the blinds. As I rub my eyes, I wonder what time it is. I flip around and glance at the clock, then die a little. Six o'clock. in the evening. Well, that certainly gets me up. I scramble out of bed and run down the stairs, to where Tony is sitting on the couch sketching. He looks up at me and smiles.

"Awake now, I see?"

"Bastard. What day is it today?" I pant.

"Tuesday, why?" he asks innocently as I freak out.

"Tuesday. Tuesday! That's not Monday! Well obviously, but that's not the point. What happened to today? MY MIND IS FULL OF FUCK." I rant and fall onto the couch. Tony scootches out of the way before I crush him. "Tony! Why you no wake me up?"

"Because I was too lazy to go upstairs. I slept on the couch last night."

I want to tear his head off. What if this gets me fired?

"But don't worry. I called your boss and said you were sick. And you actually did have a bit of a fever last night. Anyway, it's fine." says Tony, reassuring me. It works mostly, but I still feel a little stressed. So, therefore, I make a cup of tea (Yay, tea!) and go back upstairs to my laptop. I have to figure out how I'm gonna handle these Unit thingies, so why not use the internet? That always helps.

:x:x:x:x:x:

Two hours later, I have not dug anything up. Whoever makes these Units does a very good job of hiding the fact that they exist, because as we all know it's very hard to keep a secret on the internet. Oh well, that was a waste of two hours. I check my Facebook, then close my computer. I've almost exhausted the battery power anyway.

I wander downstairs and find Tony crashed on the couch. I roll my eyes and go over there, pushing his legs out of the way and sitting down in the space I cleared. Tony doesn't even wake up. Well, I guess I should do something while I'm down here. Just as I'm about to turn on the TV, the doorbell interrupts me. Hm. I didn't know we even had a doorbell. I walk to the door, smooth down my unruly hair, and answer it. There stands a guy about twentyish, with short blonde hair and blue eyes.

"This Starr Umbra [1]?" he asks. I wince as he mispronounces my last name, but nod anyway. "Good, cause here's your first unit. Sign here-" I interrupt him before he can continue.

"Wait, what? I thought my Units weren't supposed to start arriving till tomorrow at least!" I yell, not caring if I wake up Tony.

"Sorry, but we ship them as they arrive. We just happened to have this Unit that someone sent back, so here it is. Now sign." the man explains, shrugging and thrusting a clipboard at me. I take it with a growl and sign my name, practically throwing the clipboard back at him. He catches it as it rebounds off his chest and throws his hands up in the universal 'okay,okay' gesture.

"Have a nice evening" I smile sweetly but also poisonously, like a jar of honey that England collected. I grab the box, pull it inside,and slam the door in his face, but then open it again and ask, "What's your name, sweetie?" The boy blushes and mutters "Carlos. Or Carl." I close the door again and say a quick "Thanks." I think I hear a "You're welcome", but I dunno.

I lug the box into the living room, where a very confused Tony sits on the couch looking at me and rubbing his eyes. "What is it?" he asks, directed more at the crate than me. I read the title of the manual stuck to the box and die a little (again, but that's not the point) when I see the name printed on it.

Ivan Braginsky.

I stand there in shock for a few seconds staring at the box, until Tony comes up to me and claps a hand on my shoulder. "You okay?" he asks, genuinely concerned. My mind can't make any coherent thoughts, so I do the first thing that comes to mind.

I squeal a peircing fangirl squeal and glomp Tony so hard it may leave a bruise (or three or five). "OHMYGEORGIAPEACH! IT'S RUSSIA! RUSSIA! ONLY THE MOST AWESOMEST CHARACTER EVER-other than Prussia- BUT OH MY FLYING FUDGESICLES IT'S HIM!" I screech, shaking Tony back and forth by the shoulders. I've been hoping for Russia, he's like my favourite character! I let go of Tony and whirl around to face the crate. "Well, how do I get this guy out of here? Oh, maybe the manual can help me." I flip the manual open and browse through it. I stop at the section called "Removal of your IVAN BRAGINSKY Unit from Packaging". Tony leans over my shoulder and reads. I mumble out parts of the insructions.

"Yell brother... I'm awesome... chinese food... anthems...open the box." I shrug, almost hitting Tony in the chin. "Well, the first one sounds easy enough, and not exceptionally life-threatening. I'll try that one."

I walk around to the side of the box, take a deep breath, and yell as loud as I can. "BROOOOOTHERRRRR!" Sure enough, in about ten seconds I hear sobbing coming from the box. I pry off the lid, almost crying with joy. However, instead of a lovable monster of a man, i find a mini mushball. The little guy jumps out and tackle-glomps me, clinging to my oversized t-shirt.

"Mother Russia! MotherRussia! I'm so glad you're here! You see, I heard my scary sister Belarus, but now that you're here, she can't get me!" he cries, looking up at me with wide, tear-filled eyes. I pry him off me and hand him to a rather befuddled Tony.

"Hold up. I need to see this manual." I say, flipping through the manual until I find a section labelled Troubleshooting.

Problem: Instead of a tall, full-grown Russian male, you received a toddler wearing an overcoat and a dark-colored ushanka.

Solution: We mixed up the order and sent you a little!Russia. This version of the IVAN BRAGINSKI unit is cute, cuddly, and will not kill you as soon as you make him mad. He is rather trembly, though, and hates the cold; giving him sunflowers, or painting his bedroom yellow, will make him adore you. Little!Russia is much more tolerated by the YAO WANG unit, more liked by the TORIS LORINAITIS and ALFRED F. JONES units, but bullied by GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT. If you would prefer a fully grown IVAN BRAGINSKI, then you can call Customer Services and we will take back the Little!Russia. Please get him in the box before growing too attached, though.

Well, I don't wanna send him back. The delivery guy said he was returned recently, and I don't wanna break his little heart. I close the manual and toss it onto the couch and then turn to the boys.

Ivan is gleefully using Tony as a jungle gym. Tony's just standing there and showing no signs of protest, so I assume he's fine with it.

"So Ivan" I begin, distracting him from his human playground. Ivan climbs up and sits on Tony's shoulders, gripping Tony's forehead. I continue. "I suppose I should find you somewhere to sleep, hey? Let's go upstairs and you can choose a room."

"Okay, Mother Russia!" he says, hopping off Tony and onto the couch.

"My name's Starr. Not Mother Russia."

"Yes, Mother Russia!" he pipes. I sigh and run a hand through my hair, grabbing his scarf and tugging it to make him follow me. We walk upstairs with Tony in tow. We reach two closed door, and I gesture to them.

"Pick one, Ivan. Whichever one you want."

Ivan considers for a moment before pointing to the one on the right. I open it and he runs in. The room is a plain white with a twin bed pushed against the wall. There's a window on the back wall, brightening the room a little. Ivan sits on the bed and looks around. "It's kind of boring. Can we decorate it sometime?" he asks, bouncing on the bed a little.

"Sure, I guess. But not right now. Go sleep or read or dance or whatever it is you want to do. But do it quietly and don't destroy anything." I say, going over to him and ruffling his hair. He smiles up at me and I turn andleave the room. Tony watched this whole exchange from the hallway, bu now he goes over to the stairs and starts to walk down.

"I think we can make this work. Or at least I can." he mumbles as he disappears from sight. I smile. He's so lazy, I'll probably end up doing everything for Ivan anyways. I go into my room to change out of yesterday's clothes (which I am still wearing in a bosslike fashion) and into my pyjamas. Ivan can't be too troublesome, right?

**[1] Hey, did you know Umbra is Latin for darkness, shadow, etc.? Well it is. Random factling. I don't think factling is a word, though... WHATEVER I DON'T CARE.**

**A/N: Well, there's another chappie done. Took longer than I expected, but it's done now. Hey, it's a long one, too! Awesome! Oh, and I swear I won't make you wait so long for the next chapter! SERIOUSLY! DON'T HATE ME! D: What do you think I should do to have Ivan's room decorated? Im thinking either markers or paint. Markers would mean drawing on things, so that would be fun. But then again, paint equals chaos, and chaos is fun! Yay! Anyways, I'm do here. Read & review!**

**Hugs from What The C~**


	5. Awkward Situations Abound!

**A/N Well hi again! How's it going? Good thank you for asking. I went camping for five days. With no electronics. I ate junk food a lot. Seriously, the only veggies I ate were in tacos and spaghetti sauce. It was pretty fun. However, I am now covered in extremely itchy mosquito bites. AAAAAAHHHH THE ITCHY! IT BURNS!The tilde is fun to write. You know, the little squiggly thing~ LIKE A BOSS. Anyways. Read. I don't know what to say here. Enjoy!**

When I go downstairs, Tony's sitting on the couch flipping through the manual. I walk over and plop down beside him.

"Good book?"

Tony snapps the book shut and tosses it onto my lap. "Yeah, I just read it. It's your little doll thingy, so you gotta know how to deal with it, right?"

I gasp. "Ivan's not a doll thing. He's a real person, just like us! However-" I stroke my hypothetical beard. "I guess I should read the manual, huh?" I grab the manual and start to read, as Tony watches in amusement.

:x:x:x:x:x:x:

As I read the last word, Tony-who was reading over my shoulder - leans back and smiles. "Looks like a lot of work. You think you can handle it?"

I turn and whip the manual at his head. He ducks at the last second, book skimming his hair and hitting the wall behind him. It falls behind the bookshelf. Tony sits up and grins. "I knew you would do that. You're getting predictable."

"Shut up." I grumble, crossing my arms. Tony scootches closer and puts me in a headlock. "It's okay. I know you love me!"

I struggle and punch Tony in the gut a few times. I get no reaction and he noogies me. "Say it, Albie! You love me!" After about thirty seconds, I quit resisting. It's pretty useless anyways, once Tony sets to doing something, it's hard to get him to stop. "Say you love me!" he repeats.

"No."

"Say it!"

"But..."

"Say it, damn you!"

"Okay!" I throw my hands in the air- well, as well as I can while in a headlock, anyways- and relent. "I love you. You are the best housemate, and I love your taste in underwear." He blushes a little and looks down, where he happens to be wearing purple duck underwear . I bust out laughing. I have no idea where he got them, but still. He releases me and pushes me away, pulling a blanket across his lap.

"Go away. You should go check on your little Ivan, anyway." he mutters, looking away and out the window. I stand up and compose myself, straightening my shirt and fixing my hair a little.

"Yeah, I should. But he's part your responsibility too, you know. So you gotta help sometimes!" I call over my shoulder as I head upstairs. I peek into Ivan's room as I arrive and see him spread out on the bed, snoring lightly. I suppress an 'awww' and walk in quietly. I grab a blanket off the end of the bed and drape it over him, earning myself a small, unconcious smile. I grin stupidly and tiptoe out, closing the door behind me. He's so sweet. Like a candy. Except he's human. And I probably wouldn't eat him every day.

I go into my room and turn on my laptop. However, it dies almost immediately afterwards, so I close it again and stretch out on the bed. "Well, maybe I'll go to bed." I mumble out loud. Yeah, think I will. I'm pretty sleepy, despite sleeping for almost 24 hours straight last night. I might have overslept a little. Oh well. I hop into bed. I'm asleep almost before my head hits the pillow.

:x:x:x:x:x:x:

I open my eyes to a small Russian sitting on my stomach. Or rather, a small Russian prying open my eyelids and crushing my internal organs.

"AUUGHHH!" I screech, shoving Ivan off my stomach. I jump out of bed and promptly fall on my face, tangled in the blanket. As I flail around trying to get free of my bedsheets, Ivan gets up and walks over to me.

"Mother Russia, are you okay?" he asks innocently, sraightening his scarf. I stop thrashing and decide to ask for help.

"Yeah, Ivan, I'm fine. Just don't do that again, okay?" I look at him and he nods, smiling. "Good. Now, if you excuse me..." I detangle myself a little more and take a deep breath.

"TOOOOONYYYYYY! HEEEEEELP MEEEEEE!" I yell at the top of my lungs. I hear him stomping around, then he falls up the stairs. Yes, he falls up the stairs. It's possible, it's happened to me before. Anyway, he bursts into my room, holding the baseball bat that must have been still at the top of the stairs.

"What? What is it, Starr? Are you okay? What's wrong?" he says, eyes wide open. I smile a little. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just got awakened rather rudely and then fell of the bed. Now help me get untangled! You too, Ivan!"

My epic red eyes must be rather frightening, because they both nod furiously and set to work untangling me. I just sort of sit there, moving when they tell me to, and then within five minutes I'm free. As Tony and Ivan fold up my blanket, I stand up and stretch. What a way to wake up. I glance over at the boys folding the blanket and smile again. They're so cute. I guess this isn't too bad. At least they're not fighting.I slip out the door and go about getting ready for my day.

**A/N So I've been meaning to finish this chapter for a long time! I hope you guys liked this chapter. I had fun writing it! It made me laugh. And yes, Tony's wearing purple duck underwears. *puts on sunglasses* Deal with it. I really have nothing else to say. See ya later, guys! Review if you can, because reviews are like awesome Prussia hugs!**

**-What The Crapola**


	6. Pillow Wars

**A/N: Hey peeps! I got a new chapter up, you ready for it? Of course you are! Here it comes!**

**Disclaimer: I just realized I've been forgetting to do this recently ^_^; I (un)fortunately don't own Hetalia. You decide if that's good or not.**

I brush my teeth and hair, take a shower, and change into my clothes in about fifteen minutes. A smile is on my face and I go downstairs, where I hear Tony and Ivan wrestling. Boys will be boys. I walk straight into the kitchen, humming "Walking on Sunshine", and set to work boiling some water. For tea, of course. I'm in a pretty good mood this morning, considering the fact that I almost had my eye poked out by Ivan, but still. A faint shriek grabs my attention and I peek into the living room. Tony is fidgeting on the couch.

"Tony, what was that noise?" I ask, moving so I stand in the doorway. He looks up at me and smiles.

"Nothing, Albie. Go back to the kitchen now!" Well, that's not suspicious at all. Another whiny noise reaches my ears, and Tony bounces on the couch a few times. The sound stops with a squeak. My suspicions are confirmed.

"TONY, GET THE HELL OFF IVAN!" I screech, rushing over to the couch. I try to pull Tony off the couch, but he holds on.

"No! Make me!" he retorts, sticking out his tounge.

Oh no he didn't.

Ivan lets out a shrill scream and struggles against the larger man's weight. I feel myself getting really angry now.

"Tony, get off him NOW or else-" My demand is cut off by a pillow. Flung in my face. By the guy with a death wish. The pillow falls to the floor with a soft fump.

Tony stares at me with his mouth slightly agape, as if realizing two things. One, that he actually hit me. And two, that he's in deep shit now. He breaks out of his stunned stupor and smiles sheepishly, shrugging and grabbing another pillow holding it in front of himself like a sheild. All thoughts of saving Ivan are pushed out of my mind by the desire for revenge.

"Do you know what you've done, turnip brain?" I ask picking up the pillow, not breaking eye contact with said turnip brain. He drops the smile. I lunge at him and the battle begins.

My initial attack is blocked by his pillow, and he gets in a good shot at my stomach. I hit him over the head at the same time. We both have to recover, but he makes the mistake of removing one hand from the pillow to brush his hair out of his eyes. I take full advantage of this oppurtunity.

I yank his weapon away, tossing it across the room. the pillow hits a picture on the wall square in the middle, bringing the picture down with it. Tony gapes at me. To be honest, the fact that I hit the painting was just a fluke. However, he seems frightened, so it's okay.

"Good shot?" he says quietly, fidgeting a little. I grin.

"Want to see another?"

I raise the pillow and swing it down in a sideways arc, hitting Tony in the side of the head and knocking him off the couch. He falls to the floor on top of a small pile of blankets that cushion his fall. I step over him, one foot on either side of him, and sling my pillow over my shoulder. He rolls over and looks at me.

"Was that really nessecary?" he asks, rubbing his head. Oh, come on! It was a pillow, it couldn't have hurt that much! "Yes it was. I had to save..." Then I remember. "Ivan!"

I leave Tony on the ground as I whirl around to face the small Russian. Ivan is sitting on the couch recuperating from being sat upon. I kneel on the ground in front of him, looking at him. It's then that he takes notice of me, and he tackles me so hard and suddenly that I fall backwards.

"Hey- Ivan- What-" I stutter as he hugs my windpipe and effectively cuts off my air supply. I immediately start to struggle, and eventually succeed in prying him off. As I catch my breath, I dangle him at arms length by the back of his coat. I notice his lips are moving rapidly, and that's when I realize he's saying something. I tune in.

"-he threw me onto the couch and sat on me! Oh Mother Russia, he was so heavy! I don't even know why he did it though, I was just going through his drawers! He got really mad though. I think he overreacted a little. He didn't have to break my ribs! I'm so glad you saved me, Mother Russia!" Ivan stops for breath and I take in his ramble.

"Wait, what? You went through his drawers? Ivan, that's not cool! I don't even know if it's legal!" I say, having recovered the ability to speak and breathe. I put Ivan down and he tries to escape, but I grab him and yank him back. He turns and glances expectantly at me, his eyes brimming with tears. D'aww.

"Mother Russia, are you going to punish me?" he asks, violet eyes locking into my own red ones. I just about die from adorableness (is that even a word?) and smile at him.

"No, it's fine. Just don't do it again, 'kay?" I say, and Ivan nods. Problem solved. I'm about to head off to the kitchen to finish making my tea- this whole ordeal didn't last more than ten minutes, I think- when Tony speaks up.

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. How come he invades my privacy and gets off with a warning, while I get revenge and receive a pillow beating? It doesn't make sense to me." he says grabbing my shoulder and stopping me from leaving the room. I turn around with a small growl and look him straight in the eye.

"You are obviously older and bigger than him, and know better than to use that to hurt someone." I lecture, ignoring the slight hypocrisy of the statement. "And Ivan's just an innocent kid. He shouldn't have invaded your privacy, because that's wrong" I feel like a nagging mother at this point. "But you have to take resonsibility of him because he lives in your house too. That means no 'babysitting', literally. Don't sit on him. Now let me go so I can pretend this never happened and drink my tea in peace."

Tony lets go of me and raises his hands in a surrender gesture, smiling. "Okay, you don't have to rip my head off. But tell me. Why are you allowing that "innocent kid' drink vodka in the morning? Or at all for that matter?" He steps aside to reveal an amused Ivan sittig on a cushion with a bottle of vodka in his hand. Where did that come from? I walk over to him, hands on my hips.

"Ivan, why are you drinking vodka?" I know _that's_ illegal.

"Why not?"he smiles.

I facepalm. So much for a peaceful morning.

**A/N This was entertaining to write. I had it all done, but then my computer crashed and it turns out I hadn't saved! I hat to rewrite it all from scratch ;A; It was hard... anyways, drop me a review! I'm kinda stumped for ideas right now. Any suggestions?**

**Awesome Farewell from What The C~**


	7. Explosions of awesome!

**A/N Hey you guys! As you may have noticed, I'm putting this up earlier than usual. Well, that's because in less than two hours my family is leaving on a long-ass trip to Kamloops and then Vancouver. I'll be gone for ten days. TEN DAYS. If possibl****e, I'll put up another update ASAP, but it's unlikely I can because the wifi at my grandma's house (which is where we're staying) is locked and no one knows the password for it XD Si, I'm pretty much screwed over. So, this author note is too long, so I'll quit rambling and do the disclaimer and then you can read. Also, FoundYouHAH, I know who you are. I know you're reading this, you like it? XD Um, shutting up now. :|**

**Disclaimer: What The C does not, belive it or not, own Hetalia.**

Ten minutes and three bowls of cereal later (cereal is one of the few things I'm not capable of burning) the doorbell rings. I wasn't aware anyone was coming over. Hm.

"Tony, Ivan, stay here. I'll be right back." I adress the boys sitting at the kitchen table. They nod, and I go to the door as the bell goes off a second, third, and fourth time. The door is flung open to reveal a delivery man standing in front of a large crate, finger on the doorbell. He looks at me sheepishly and steps back.

"I'm back!" he sings, grinning. I decide to do the only logical thing.

I slam the door in his face.

"Hey... kid" he says, kicking the door. "Let me in! I need to deliver this! Seriously girl!"

I lean against the door. "No! Get off my lawn!"

"No. Just let me in!"

I sigh. "Okay. Fine. But this better be good." I pullopen the door and Carl almost falls inside. He smiles. "I knew you'd do that. You're pretty predictable."

"SHUT UP! Why are you so early?" I yell, changing the subject. Carl looks up at the sky and grins.

"The authoress was too lazy to wait a few more chapters for the next Unit." he says.

**Quit breaking the fourth wall, Carl.**

"Sorry. Um, we changed our policy so that the Units will arrive as soon as possible, usually a day or two apart, so that the recipent will be more satisfied?" Carl says slash asks, shrugging.

**That's better, boy. Now get on with the story.**

"Okay. Here's your Unit. Now sign and enjoy!"

I wonder who it is. I grab the clipboard he's holding out and write my name. Just then, a certain small Russian peeks out of the doorframe. "Go back inside, Ivan." I say, nudging him with my foot. However, the little brat ignores me and runs out, clamping onto Carl's leg.

"Hey shrimp. Get offa me. I need to work." Carl says, shaking his leg. Ivan still holds tight, though. He starts to babble.

"Delivery guy, can I go with you to wherever you're going? It doesn't matter to me, I just want to get away from the mean guy in there!" at this, Tony yells a protest, but no one cares. Ivan continues. "If you take me, you can have some of my vodka! I'll even let you wear my sharf [1]! Wait, no I won't. Sorry, mister guy. But can I come anyways?"

Before Ivan can continue, I reach down and yank him off Carl's leg, making Carl lose his balance and he falls backwards into the crate. I hold my breath. Moment of truth.

There's a moment of silence. Then, the crate explodes. Literally. Pieces of box fly everywhere and one hits me directly in the face. I fall backwards into the doorframe, and everything goes black.

x:x:x:x:x:x

Light. Shapes. Pain. My eyes flutter open slowly; however, I close them again almost immediately. It's too bright, and my head hurts. A much too loud voice reaches my ears.

"Hey! She's awake! You guys, come here!"

Silence.

"YOU GUYS, GET YOUR LAZY ASSES OFF THE COUCH AND GET OVER HERE!" Ouch. Really loud.

Footsteps approach, and stop by me. I wonder who's they are? I think it's Tony by the edge of my bed, or wherever I am. I reconize his voice.

"Are you sure she is? She still looks pretty damn unconsious to me." comes a heavily accented voice. I can't place it, though.

"Yeah, she opened her eyes! Just for a second though. Let me see if I can wake her up." says Tony. A pair of footsteps leave the room at this.

He (I'm guessing it's Tony) shakes my shoulder gently. "Starr? You awake?" he asks. I can hear the worry in his voice. I must be hurt worse than I thought, I think idly. I reply with something along the lines of "Hhnnngggg", still not opening my eyes.

"Told ya she was awake!" he yells overly loudly.

"Shuddup. Too loud."

"Oh. Sorry. Hey Albie, open your eyes, kay?" Tony says quietly.

"I dont wanna. Too bright."

"Do it ayways!"

I ease open my eyes and see Tony looking down at me. I want to close my eyes again, but Tony squeezes my arm and keeps them open. "Whaddaya want?" I mumble, trying to sit up. Not such a good idea, but still. A throbbing pain in my head forces me to lie down again. Tony smiles at my attempts.

"Don't try to sit up. I just wanna see if you're okay. Took a pretty hard hit on the head, you did. Are you seeing double? Am I in focus?"

I nod slightly, grimacing at the throb of pain. "Not seeing double. You're in focus. Can I sit up now?" I ask.

"I guess. But wait a sec! Ivan, Carl, bring some pillows!" The footsteps- Ivan and Carl, I presume- leave the room, returning a few seconds later. I'm propped up into a position resembling sitting, and I glance around the room. Carl and Ivan are at one side of my bed, and Tony's on the other side. A shape hovers outside of the doorframe on the other side of the room. I try to focus on it, but that makes my head hurt, so I stop. I'll find out who it is later.

"Do you remember what happened?" Tony asks, leaning on the edge of my bed. I look up at the celing.

"Well, Carl arrived with another crate, Ivan glomped him, I got him off, the crate exploded, and then blackness. That's about it."

"Makes sense. You got hit in the face with a piece of flying wood, then fell back into the door frame and got knocked out."

"Really? How long was I out for?" I ask.

"About twenty minutes. It's around eleven o'clock now." pipes up Ivan from the other side of the bed.

"Eleven o'clock? I have to meet Tanya and the others at the movie theatre in three hours! I need to get ready, and have some lunch, and so does Tony!" I freeze. Nobody knows about my new housemate(s)! Well, this is a pretty shitty situation.

Tony leaves the room, returning with some pills and a glass of water a few minutes later. "Here, take these and get some rest. I'll wake you up in an hour." he says, thrusting the things into my hand. I take them gratefully and close my eyes. These better help, because my head hurts like hell right now. I drift off to dreamland in the cradle of whatever medication Tony gave me.

:x:x:x:x:x:x

"Starr. Wake up, Albie. Starr!" says Tony, shaking me partially awake.

I groan and flip over. "Ten more minutes."

"No. Get up now." he says.

"God. You don't have to bite my head off. I'll get up." I mumble. I sit up and rub my eyes. The pain in my head has subsided a bit, now just a dull ache. "Do I have to?"

Tony pulls me up by the arm. "Yeah. Now let's go." The worried tone from earlier is gone. I guess I actually have to get up. As I stand up and stretch, a question pops into my head.

"Hey Tony, who was the Unit that nearly killed me?"

Tony turns around and looks at me, backing out of the room. "I'll go get him. Be right back." Well, he said 'him' so that narrows it down. A little. Not at all. Anyways, someone walks into the room, and we look up at the same time.

Prussia himself has just walked into my room.

A smile spreads across my face. "Oh my gosh! Prussia! It's you!" I yell, dashing over and hugging him. He seems pretty surprised, and pries me off. "Whoa there, girlie. I was just visiting. You don't have to go all 'ohmyfuckinggodit'sacartooncharacter' on me. Though I can't blame you for being attracted to my awesomeness!" he says in that accent. Now I realize it's German (no shit, Sherlock?).

"Well, I was sort of expecting you to call for me. I mean I sort of knocked you out. Sorry about that, by the way. That wasn't very awesome of me." he continues, rubbing the back of his head guiltily. "But hey! You're albino, just like me! That's pretty damn awesome!"

I nod and run a hand through my hair. "Well, I should go get ready now." Gilbert nods and leaves the room. I shut the door behind him and set about getting ready.

**A/N **

**[1] sharf- scarf. But I bet you knew that.**

**In case you're wondering Carl stayed to make sure Starr was okay, then he left. Also, I feel pretty much everybody is OOC in this, so don't mind that. My little sister is lowing through a wrapping paper tube and annoying the crap out of me. Bleh. I have up to chapter 11 written already, but I'm running out of ideas, have you, my loyal fans, got any? If so, let me know in a review. Review if you can, in my own words, "Reviews fill me with happy!" Okay, have fun on the weekend, you guys! I know I will! *is trying not to make a long ass A/N like the last one* Ehehehe... sorry. Um, yeah! **

**Kittens and Daffodils from The Amazing What The C!**


	8. Movie Time!

**Do not mind the misspellings. I have limited wifi and don't have time to proofread. Also, enjoy the quick update. **

**Edit:So hey! I'm still in VAncouver, but in a quick moment of wifi, I managed to upload this doc onto my account from my laptop. Now I'm writing this from the computer that has reliable internet. I fixed some mispellings and stuff, and now it's better. Next chapter should be up later next week, so don't get used to these rapid-fire updates. You know what's fun? Roller Derby. It's a game on roller skates, and... well if you want to know, Google it cause it's hard to explain. How that relates to this story? The answer is, it doesn't! I just felt like adding in something else, and my mom is in roller derby, and it was the first thing to come to mind to talk about, and yeah this is getting too long now. WTC out!  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, Skittles, The Lorax, or any of the other candies or movies mentioned here. All I own is the storyline and my OC's. **

I turn from the door and look around my room. On my bedside table, there's a manual. Prussia's, I assume. I go over to it and grab it. Sure enough, it says Gilbert Beilschmidt on the front. I suppose I should start reading this. It could be quite helpful. I sit down on my bed and begin to read the manual.

~TIMESKIPLOL~

In ten minutes, I've finished reading and am standing beside my bed staring at the manual. Of course I had to get him, the most troublesome of all! Except maybe France. He'd be sorta hard to handle. I reach up and scratch my head. However, there's a large bandage over my forehead. When did that get there? Tony must have put it on while was unconscious. Well. I should go about getting ready.

I'm half undressed, in my underwear, when suddenly the door flings open and smashes on the wall behind it. I obviously do the most logical thing. I scream and grab the manual, turning and throwing it at the intruder. However, I'm not very good with aim, and I hear the manual hit the wall by the door. I crack my eyes open enough to see the person standing in the dooorframe. Gilbert is standing there, gaping at me.

"Well? Get out, Gil!" I screech, pulling my comforter in front of me. All he does is give me a thorough once-over.

"I just came in here to get the manual, but... Damn, girl, you got curves!" he says, still frozen to the spot.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE NOW, DAMMIT!" I scream. Gilbert smirks at me and closes the door. I let out a breath. Okay, maybe Gilbert is as bad as France.

I go to my dresser and pull out some relatively clean clothes: a fitted t-shirt, skinny jeans, and my favorite black wool sweater. My usual outfit. I put on the clothes, brush my hair (avoiding the bandage on my head) and put in some gold hoop earrings. I stand in front of the mirror, satisfied. Not too bad, if I do say so myself! I make final adjustments to my outfit, and go downstairs to the imminent awaiting chaos.

"So are you like her boyfriend or something?" comes Gilbert's voice from down stairs. I can almost hear the arrogant smirk on his face.

"I- um... No, I just-" stutters Tony, obviously not knowing how to explain the living situation here. Luckily for him, I cut in right then.

"No, he's just living here until he can afford a place for himself. Which I don't understand how he's going to do that, seeing as he's been fired from every job he's had!" I say, stepping off the last stair into the living room. Ivan and Gilbert first look at me, then at Tony, who shrugs uncomfortably. "They were dumb jobs anyways." he says. I roll my eyes.

"So, you ready to go meet the others at the movie theater?" I ask Tony. He nods and stands up. However, so do Ivan and Gil. That's when I realize they probably want to come too.

They open their mouths, but I stop them before they can speak. "No, you can't come."

"But-" starts Ivan.

"No."

"I just-"

"No!"

"Ijustwanttomeetyourfriends!" says Gil rapidly.

I sigh. "Fine. Just don't kill anyone."

Ivan and Gil smile and go to the door. "Come on, we have to go. We don't want to be late!"

I walk over and herd everybody out the door. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how this turns out.

As we start down the street, Gil pipes up with a question.

"By the way. Who are the people we're meeting?" he asks. Oh yeah, that might be good for him to know. Hmm. Who should I start with?

"Well, first I'll start with Tanya. Tanya organized this outing. She's very loud-overbearing- and tends to have vocal diarrhea. She'll be asking if she can do anything for you, and it's always best to decline politely. Unless you want to use her, but that's not recommended."

Gil nods, and I move on to the next person.

"Next is Kaleigh, or Kayla. She's pretty cool. She's the peacekeeper of the bunch, and tries to keep everyone from fighting. It doesn't always work, though. She tends to keep to herself, but will speak up if she finds it absolutely necessary. Don't anger her, or you will suffer."

At this last statement, Gil shudders a little, probably imagining the things she should do. I smile and keep going.

"The last person is Darryn. Darryn is like our punching bag. We like to rag on him, bu it's okay because he's a master of revenge and will get you back big time. He has awesome fighting skills. Darryn seems innocent, but you never know what's going on in that sick mind of his. Also, don't be upset if he ignores you. He tends to be wary of newcomers."

"Is that all? They sound pretty awesome." Gil asks, looking at me. I nod.

"Yeah, that's them. Including Tony and I, we're quite the bunch." I say, looking around. We're about a block from the theatre now. Ivan tugs at my hand and I look down at him.

"Mother Russia, will you carry me? I'm tired." he asks in the sweetest voice imaginable.

"Okay, get on." I kneel on the ground and he climbs on my back. "Only for a bit though, because we're almost there."

Up ahead of me, Tony and Gilbert are talking animatedly about something or other. I wonder what it is? Just then, Gilbert makes a lewd gesture, and Tony laughs. On second thought, maybe it's best I don't know. Anyways, we've arrived at the theater. I put down Ivan and run over to my friends.

"Hey you guys!" I say when I get to them. They all turn towards me and greet me.

"Hey slowpoke. I thought you'd never arrive!" pipes Tanya.

"'Sup, Albie?" yells Darryn.

"Hi, Starr." says Kayla.

They all give me a hug, then Darryn looks behind me. "Whoah. Who are those people, Starr?" he says, noticing not only Tony but also Ivan and Gil.

"Well, that's Tony there." I say.

"YOU DON'T SAY?" choruses everybody, and I laugh. "Oh, you meant the other two! That's Gilbert and Ivan. They're my newest housemates. Gil, Ivan, everybody. Everybody, Gil and Ivan." I introduce. Tanya and Darryn say hello, and Kayla leans down and ruffles Ivan's hair.

Tanya stares at Gilbert. "Wait a second... these guys look familiar. Have we met somewhere before?" she says, turning her gaze towards Ivan. Gil starts to speak up, but I elbow him sharply in the ribs and he stops. I lean in to her and whisper "I'll explain later." Tanya nods and stands up straight. "Come on you guys, let's get into the movie!"

We walk inside, pay for our tickets, and head into the lobby. "So what movie do you wanna watch?" I ask. Bad idea.

"Spiderman!" cries Tony.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked!" yells Tanya.

"Madagascar 3!" says Darryn.

"No!" we yell at Darryn. He looks at us, looking like a kicked puppy. "Why not?"

"It's fucking stupid." mutters Gilbert.

"I want to watch it!" pipes Ivan. Darryn reaches down and pats his head. "That's my boy."

"We don't want to have 'Afro Circus' stuck in our brains all day." I say. Everybody nods.

"I'll decide. We're watching The Lorax. Now let's go." says Kayla.

Gilbert pulls at my sleeve. "I want some candy! Can we get some, Starr?" he says, pointing to the concession counter. I sigh. "Sure. But then we have to get into the theatre, okay? Do you want anything, Ivan?" I ask, heading over to the counter.

"Can I have some Skittles?" asks Ivan, and I nod. Gil is beside me, rattling off a list of all the things he wants.

"Okay. Gil, choose one thing." I say, interrupting his wish list. He hangs his head. "Okay. I want... Starburst!" he says, pointing to the candy rack. I nod. He acts more like a kid than Ivan sometimes. And I've only known him for about two hours! Wow. I order a bag of skittles, some Starbursts, and an Aero bar and a root beer for myself. I hand everyone their assorted snacks, and we go into the theatre.

:x:x:x:x:x:

"I am never taking you guys to a movie again." I say, dragging Gil and Ivan by the hair out of the theatre with Tony following behind. "I swear to God, if you keep this up, I'll never take you ANYWHERE!" All I hear from them is something along the lines of "Ow ow ow leggo ow." Tony looks back at me. "Come on, they weren't that bad!"

"Yes they were! They were playing leapfrog over other people and having candy wars! How is that not bad?" I yell. Tony laughs. "Okay, maybe they were that bad. But just let it go, okay?"

"Hmph. You aren't that innocent yourself, you know." I mutter. He somehow manages to hear me though.

"Sorry! Ivan wanted me to join the candy war, and I didn't want to disappoint him!"

"We're kicked out of the theater."

"You wouldn't let us come anyways!" Tony laughs.

How will I survive these guys?

**A/N I feel like I'm playing up Ivan's cute side too much, and ignoring his creepiness. Also, Gil and Ivan aren't fighting nearly enough. And Tony isn't in here very much. I'll have to work on that. Um, enough pointing out the failness of this. Well, I've added a bunch of new characters, so maybe I'll add a short physical description of all of them.**

**Tanya Hayley Johnstone- curly raven-black hair that goes about to mid-back, glasses, green eyes. Shortest of the group.**

**Kaleigh Anika Miller- short boyish dirty blonde hair, tall (second tallest), sort of pudgy, blue eyes.**

**Darryn Michael Brook- short dark brown hair, brown eyes, tallest of the group, slender.**

**All the people are anime nerds, chocoholics, socially awkward, and rather perverted. Okay, I'm done with the introductions. If you review, you can have some hugs from Japan! **

**Hasta la pasta, What The C**


	9. I need a health potion

**I just watched the Hetalia movie for the second time! It was super hilarious XD Also, any ideas for upcoming chapters? I'm still kinda stumped. PM me if you do! Also, I'm reading Seven Little Killers right now. Seriously, that story's really fucked up, but also amazingly written. If you haven't read it yet, your life is incomplete. Is anyone actually reading this anymore? Whatever. XD I think I'm going to delete the apologies chapter. Also, I edited some of the previous chapters, so make sure you read the updated version. Okay, I'll stop rambling. Read and review. Hopefully review. Probably review. In case you don't get the message, review, my preties! *evil cackle***

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Spongebob. Or Netflix, for that matter. Or Tylenol. Doing disclaimers really makes me realize how much stuff I don't own XD**

When we arrive home, I collapse on the couch and close my eyes. "I may have said this before, but I'm never taking you guys anywhere ever again."

Ivan and Gil, who are standing in front of me, rub their scalps and grimace. "Yeah, you've mentioned it." mutters Gil. I open my eyes long enough to glare at them. Tony comes in and sits on the couch beside me. Gil and Ivan follow his lead and sit on my other side. Ivan climbs over and sits on my lap. "What do you want to do, Mother Russia?" he asks. I rub my hands over my face. "Die."

"Come on Starr, don't be such a party pooper. Let's watch some Spongebob!" says Tony, grabbing the Wii remote. I open my eyes again and look at him. Seriously? Of course, he is serious, as he's already navigated to Netflix and is selecting an episode. I roll my eyes and transfer Ivan onto Tony's lap, getting up and going to the kitchen. I need some ice cream.

I reach into the freezer, pulling out a tub of Rocky Road ice cream. I debate whether I should get a bowl, then decide against it and grab a spoon. I'll just eat it right out of the tub. I'm partway up the stairs before I remember something. I step back downstairs and grab my laptop charging cable, then go up to my room. If this continues, I'm going to need therapy.

:x:x:x:x:x:

Crash. Bang. Scream.

I grumble and lift up my head, opening my eyes. Wait a second. Opening my eyes? Was I asleep? I look around and see my open laptop (which I must have been using a a pillow) in front of me,and an empty tub of ice cream on my left. Right. I exhausted the internet, finished my ice cream and promptly fell asleep.

Thump. Screech.

What is that? I guess I should go check it out. I roll off the bed and onto the floor, grabbing that baseball bat. That thing always comes in handy, doesn't it? I take a breath and head downstairs. What awaits me is nothing less than idiotic.

Gilbert and Tony are playing catch with Ivan. Well, that just happened. Maybe I should do something about it, huh?

"TONY! GILBERT! PUT IVAN DOWN NOW!" I bellow, making the older boys jump. They must not have noticed me come downstairs. I yell again. "SERIOUSLY! PUT HIM DOWN!"

Of course Gilbert, who's currently holding Ivan, does the immature thing and drops Ivan onto the floor. Ivan gets up and scrambles over to me, hiding behind my legs and whimpering. Tony and Gil take a step closer to each other and grin at me. "Is there a problem, Albie?" asks Tony.

"Other than the fact that you're playing catch with a child, no!" I say sarcastically, scooping up Ivan in my arms. He immediately scrambles up and sits on my shoulders, clutching my head. I let out a small hiss of pain when he hits my bandages, and he loosens his grip. I turn my attention back to the culprits, who are trying to sneak out, keeping a sharp eye on me. They notice I've seen them, and they freeze and grin sheepishly at me. They seem to be doing that a lot lately. I lower Ivan to the floor and lean down to him.

"Ivan, go to your room. I have some buisness I neet to take care of." I say, expecting him to obey. However, Ivan stands his ground and shakes his head, looking at me and pulling that freaking pipe out of nowhwhere. "But I want to help, Mother Russia! They were mean to me, so I want to get back at them. Or at least Tony. Da, he's going to get what he deserves." Well, that's not creepy at all. I open my mouth to object, but then it occurs to me that he might actually be a good asset; he is Russia after all, no matter how old (or young) he is. Insted, I just nod and ruffle his hair. "Fine. On three we go at 'em, okay?" I say, glancing at the now terrified boys. Russia follows my gaze and nods.

'Three!" I scream, charging off with Ivan close behind. Tony an Gil pretty mush piss themselves with fear, but only Gilbert has the common sense to grab a weapon at first. The weapon of choice is an umbrella left over from the last rain shower, however. Welp, they're screwed.

I start off by tripping Gil with my baseball bat. What, you didn't think I'd actually be hitting anyone with it, did you? I'm not that cruel! Anyways, Gil falls backwards and lands on his butt. He still manages to hit me shin with the umbrella, which hurts a lot more than I thought it would. Meanwhile, Ivan is getting strategic jabs at Tony while simultaneously avoiding the older boy's punches. I don't think Tony's really trying though. Whatever. Gilbert has taken advantage of my distraction, seeing as he's on his feet now. I whirl around in a defensive stance, but it's too late and Gil does the same thing to me as I did to him; with one quick swing, he hits the back of my knees and makes me fall back onto the couch.

"Shit!" I hiss as I fall back, my head hitting the back of the couch. Black spots appear at the edge of my vision, but I blink them away quickly. I grab the nearest object and hurl it at my fellow albino. He ducks, but it's not soon enough as it bounces off the top of his head and, miraculously, lands on a pillow behind him completely unbroken. Gil looks up at me incredulously, rubbing the spot where he's sure to have a bruise. Just then, a loud squeal peirces the room. Us two albinos turn to the sound, me expecting to see Tony sitting on Ivan again. However, I see the exact opposite. Ivan is standing on top of Tony; well, more like jumping on him. Seriously, Ivan is using Tony as a human trampoline. With every jump, Tony emits another squeak.

I glance to my right, where Gil is standing. He's frozen is place, staring at Ivan with a mix of terror and awe. It is pretty awesome that Ivan is doing that, and I'd like to watch a bit longer, but it looks like Tony's going to start coughing up blood soon if I don't intervene. I sigh and go over to the boys, catching Ivan mid-jump and holding him under my arm like a football. He screeches briefly, stuggling, but then goes limp and crosses his arms. Tony is lying on the floor catching his breath. I watch him until he can breathe properly, then poke him between the shoulder blades to get his attention and offer my hand. He takes it gratefully and I haul him to his feet. Gil wanders over, rubbing his head. He looks at me, holding out his hand. "Truce?" he asks, and I take his hand and shake it. "Truce." I confirm.

"Ivan, wanna go upstairs and grab me the first aid kit? It's in the hall closet." I ask. Ivan nods and runs upstairs, returning a minute later with the red bag.

"Good. I need to get an ice pack on my head, because the Awesome Me can't have a blemish on my awesome head!" Gilbert proclaims, snatching the first ait kit and pulling out a cloth. The he runs to the kitchen and comes back with it soaked in cold water and pressed to his head. "This will have to work for now. I'll find something more awesome later."

Tony's now rummaging through the first aid kit, pulling out a bottle of extra strength Tylenol. He looks like he's going to down the whole bottle, but he shakes out two and swallows them dry. Then it's my turn for the kit, but instead of taking anything, I just borrow the bottle of painkillers from Tony and swallow two as well.

I try to pass the kit to Ivan, only to find him curled up on the couch asleep. I glance at Tony and Gil, who are outlining their injuries, before turning back to Ivan and pulling a blanket over him. He unconciously curls up tighter, and I smile. He's so sweet. Tony and Gilbert's discussion is steadily growing louder, until it gets to the point where there's a risk of waking the sleeping Russian.

I walk up to the noisy pair and jab them between the shoulder blades. They yelp and involutairily tense their muscles, effectively cutting off their conversation. That's a pretty good trick, but there's also several pressure points that work better; however, I won't get into that right now. They turn around and glare at me, and I smirk. "Just thought I'd let you know Ivan and I are going to sleep. That means _shut the fuck up_. Goodnight!" I say, waving and going upstairs. I can almost hear the boys roling their eyes, but I disregard this and enter my room,closing the door and collapsing onto the bed. I really hope the next Unit is a relatively sane one. With that rather comforting thought in my head, I drift off into sleep.

**A/N: This is one really fucking long chapter! Well, not as long as some of my other ones, but it feels like it took an exceptionally long time because I had it all typed out, but I didn't save it, and then my idiot sister got on my laptop and closed everything! Bleh. However, I do think that the rewritten chapter is better than the old one XD Moral of the story: SAVE YOUR WORK. Anyhoo, read and review! Seriously, if you review, you get a hug from Spain!**

**Spain: MY BODY IS READY. **

**... Not creepy at all, buddy. Also, notice how this fic doesn't have a cover? If you guys, my loyal followers, have any suggestions for an image that would fit this story, I'd love to hear them! Send me a pm with a link in it if you do. Okay, I'll stop rambling now. **

**Magic unicorns of happiness from What The C!**


	10. Finally! Slightly more sanity!

**My parents insist on parting me and my laptop at every possible oppurtunity! NEEEEEHHHH! Sorry for not updating sooner. I'm an asshole. Anywhoo, read. DO EET NAO.**

**Disclaimer: I think you know by now what I'm gonna say. But for new readers or idiots or Americans, I do not own, like, anything mentioned in this chapter except my OC's.**

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A random pressure on my abdomen, and a killer headache, pull me from my peaceful slumber. My eyes flutter open, adjust to the light, and find themselves staring into nearly identical ones. Sitting on my stomach is a certain albino Prussian, who is staring into my soul. Okay, maybe not really, but the way he's looking at me is creepy. It takes me a moment to register what's going on, but when I do...

"AUGHH! FUCK!" I scream, thrashing wildly until I hear a dull thump and the weight is gone. I lean panting over the end if the bed, looking at Gilbert. Why does everybody insist on crushing me to wake me up? Gilbert rolls over and props himself up un his elbows, smirking at me. That's when I realize he's not wearing any clothes. He was straddling me, in my sleep, in his underwear. That's not perverted and/or creepy at all! Also, his underwear has little Gilbirds on them, but that's not the point.

"Did I surprise you, Starr?" Gil asks. I look at him in disbelief. "No, I'm used to being woken up by underdressed men sitting on me at-" I glance at the clock and facepalm inside. "Six twelve in the morning." I finish, voice dripping with sarcasm. However, it's lost on the idiot because he looks at the door with what can only be called awe and his eyes widen. "Wow, Tony must be one sick guy then." he says, shaking his head. I look at the guy in disgust and hit him with a pillow. "I was just kidding. Anyways, now that I'm awake and have, like, no chance of getting back to sleep after this rather scarring experience, I guess I can get up and make some breakfast if you want it." I say, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

Gils face lights up and he jumps up. "Yeah! Come on, let's go!" he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. Unfortunately, that little bitch called head rush attacks, and I fall backwards onto the bed with Gil still gripping my arm. This causes him to fall on top of me,with one hand on either side of my body, so I'm pinned. We sit there stunned for a second. Of course, Tony chooses that moment to walk in- the heavens must hate me. Gilbert and I turn and stare a him, and he stares back. The plastic bowl of cereal he was holding clatters to the floor. Well, that's pretty dramatic, isn't it? Anyways, the room is filled with awkwardness, and I decide to voice my thoughts.

"Awkward." all three of us say simultaneously. Another moment of silence, then we all burst into laughter. Come on, who wouldn't laugh in this situation? Your housemate and a random clothesless guy are on a bed, and you walk in randomly. Okay after I think about it, it's not that funny, but still. We are laughing now. After the laughter subsides into a few scattered giggles, Tony finally has the common sense to ask what exactly is going on.

"What exactly is going on here?" he asks, eyeing our rather compromising position. Gil and I realize that we still haven't moved, and we scramble around until we are on opposite sides of the bed.

"Well, Gilbert woke me up by crushing me, then he was in his underwear on the floor because I kicked him off-"

"Rather unawesomely" Gilert adds, and I ignore him and continue.

"-And then I offered to make him breakfast, and he pulled me up, but head rush happened and I fell over and pulled him with me and we landed weirdly and then you walked in." I say in one long rush, and Tony arches an eyebrow. "I think I got that. So you're saying this wasn't on purpose...?" he says, reaching down to pick up his cereal bowl. He reaches over and grabs something to wipe up the mess; however, upon realizing what the cloth is, he promptly throws it across the room.

"Augh! Undies!" he screeches, throwing the purple boy shorts aross the room. I start laughing, and then the other boys join in. Then, still chuckling, Gilbert looks at me. "Hey bitch, go make me breakfast." he says, pointing out the door. I shoot him a "seriously?" look, and nod. "Fine. Just don't call me that."

Tony steps in between us. "Um... you don't want to do that. Starr's not exactly Top Chef of the Year. How about I make some pancakes?" he says, shooting a glance at me. I pout and cross my arms.

"Come on, I'm not that bad! I can make... um... cereal?" I say, tucking my hair behing my ear. Tony rolls his eyes. "Girl, you could burn water ir you're not careful. How about you just let me do the cooking, kay?" I look down at the floor. "Fine. Let's go downstairs. But!" I say, stopping Gil in his tracks. "Go put some clothes on first, Gil." The albino looks at the floor in defeat and walks out. Tony and I go downstairs, and Tony goes into the kitchen to get started on thr pancakes.

Ivan is awake and watching television, as I see when I turn to the couch. I go and sit down beside him. The small Russian looks at me, then turns his attention back to the tv. "This yellow sponge is funny, da?" he says, eyes glued to the tv that I now see is playing Spongebob. I nod. "Yeah. It's pretty funny." Just then, Gilbert runs/falls downstairs and comes immediately over to the couch. The next thing he does is reach over my shoulder and grab my breasts.

"Hey! No! Off! Bad Gilbert!" I cry, slapping him France-style. He releases me and comes over to sit on my other side. For the next fifteen minutes we watch Spongebob, and it's almost peaceful. Tony brings in the pancakes, hands us each a plate, an we dig in. Just as I finish my third pancake, the doorbell rings. Seriously?

"Okay guys, stay here. Tony, Gil, no throwing Ivan around. And be quiet!" I call as I head to the front door. Sure enough, when I open the door, there's a huge crate with Carl peeking out form behing it.

"Oh, hey Carl. Back again?" I say, stating the obvious. Carl nods and hands me the signy thingy. "Here, sign it. I don't have much time today." I sign my name and hand it back to him. "Thanks. Enjoy your unit! Bye!" he says, power-walking back to his truck. I shrug and haul the crate inside. That was the fastest exchange we've had so far. The three boys peek their heads around the corner curiously. I beckon them over, and they obey.

"Okay, so what'cha got there, Albie?" asks Tony, and I thump him. "I don't know yet, idiot. I can't even reach the manual because some bastard decided to leave it on top of the box this time." I say, jumping and missing the top to prove my point. Damn you, shortness! However, Gil reaches up to the top of the crate, feels around for a second, then pulls off the manual and hands it to me. Everyone gathers around and I flip it over to look at the title.

**MATTHEW WILLIAMS: User Guide and Manual **

I let out a breath as everyone else asks the generic question: "Who?" Finally, a relatively sane nation! After a quick reminder of who Canada is, and an "Ohhh!" from everybody, I decide to find out how to wake up Matthew.

"Let's see. Umm, the first one is fine, I guess, but we also have pancakes right here... I know, I'll do both!" I run to the kitchen and grab two leftover pancakes (yes, there were leftovers, Tony made a lot!) and run back into the living room. I start to sing the Canadian national anthem, having Gil put the pancakes on top at the same time.

There's a loud thump from inside the box, which definitely did not scare the living daylights out of me, followed by a few more subsequent thumps until the crate finally splinters and a rather confused-looking Canada steps out. He looks around,sniffing the air. I guess he can smell the pancakes after all. He notices me and the other boys (who are looking around, obviously not seeing anybody) and walks over. Before he can reach me, I sort of go up to him and give him a hug. He stiffens for a second -not like that, you perverts!- but then relaxes. "Um, excuse me miss, but can you actually see me?" he asks quietly. I hold him by the shoulders at arm's length. "Of course I can! Here, I'll just get these guys." I release the smiling Matthew. I grab Gilbert, Tony, and Ivan's wrists and pull them over to Matthew.

"Guys, this is Matthew, Canada, and you will do your best to remember him. Matthew, this is Gilbert, Ivan, and Tony." I say, gesturing to the boys respectively. Matthew nods politely to each of them, then turns to me. "Er-you didn't introduce yourself, miss." he says, looking down awkwardly at his feet.

"Sorry. I'm Starr, the owner of this house and general caretaker of this motley crew." I say, smiling slightly up at Matthew. Yeah, I have to look up to him, but it's just a little, okay? Anyways, he looks around. "I also smelled pancakes. Do you happen to have any around here, maybe?" I nod and get Gilbert's attention, pulling him away from his argument/conversation with Tony and Ivan. He grabs the plate of pancakes from on top of the crate, then returns to whatever he was doing.

I hand the plate to Matt, which he happily takes. I remember something, dashing into the kitchen and returning with a glass bottle. Matthew takes it gratefully, using the contents to douse his food in maple syrup. Looks like everything's good for now, so I go and sit down on the couch. I think I'll watch something on Netflix. After browsing for a minute, I decide on some random movie and settle in. Maybe these guys won't be too bad.

**A/N If only you knew, Starr. Anywhoo, next chapter I have something generic but also awesome planned... can you guess what it is? It's something most, if not all, manual fics have! I will shut up now so that I don't give it all away. Read and review! **

**~Awesome exit from What The Crapola Is This (full name woohoo!)**


	11. Unusual but Hilarious Happenings

**A/N Haha! Look people, here's the mystery chapter that got you guys excited! This was so much fun to write, and I hope you have fun reading it! Also, I haven't really mentioned it, but thank you guys so much. I mean seriously, if you've stuck with me this far, I'm seriously extremely grateful. I honestly thought this story would fail epicly, and at one point I actually thought of quitting, and one of your reviews let me know that people are actually reading and enjoying it. So, thanks. Okay, enough with the mushy thank you's. Get on with the hilarity!**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine. Seriously, trust me on this one. Oh, I also don't own Nutella, Tooth Fairy or Walmart. If I owned any of those things, I probably would be rich.**

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The next hour and a half are spent with all five of us crammed onto the couch, watching the movie I picked. Tooth Fairy, I think. Technically a kids movie, but whatever. As the credits start to roll, I lift Ivan off of his position on my lap and put him on... um... the blonde guy's lap. I get up to go make a lunchy-ish thing, but Gilbert kicks me in the shin to get my attention.

"Hey lady, look. Your little unawesome boyfriend fell asleep on my shoulder any I need you to get him off because it's really awkward." he says, looking to the side where, sue enough, there is a softly snoring Tony. I'm ready to correct Gil on a number of things (my name, Tony's status as my not-boyfriend, and how cute they actually look- I never said that last one) but I restrain myself. "Here, watch this. Give me your hand." I say, holding out my own hand. Gilbert warily puts his hand in mine-what, it's not like I'm going to break it or anything!- and I give it a good, hard pull. Gil stumbles out, but being awesome and all, he regains his balance in time to see Tony fall sideways onto the couch, still sound asleep. Gil gapes at me in awe.

"Wow, semi-awesome bitch, that's actually pretty awesome. How long did it take you to figure that out?" Gil asks, turning his attention to me. I roll my eyes. "First of all, don't call me a bitch or I will tie you to a chair and rip out every hair on your head, one by one. Second of all-" I continue even though Gilbert shudders at my threat. "-It took me about six months of living with him to figure out he's one of the heaviest sleepers I've ever met."

Gilbert nods and looks back to Tony. I turn and go into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator to find some food. Instead of our usually somewhat-full fridge, though, thre is pretty much no food left except for assorted condiments, jam, peanut butter, and some stuff that I'm pretty sure is rotten. I stare at the emptiness for a second before slamming shut the frige, the noise attracting Gilbert from in the living room. He stands in the middle of the kitchen, watching me sheepishly as I fling open every cupboard in search of food. Nothing.

I whirl around to face Gilbert. "Why is there no food in the house?" I ask, stepping forwards. The albino takes a step back, and we continue this until Gil's up against a wall. He looks at me and finally seems to get the balls to tell the truth.

"Um, me and Tony-"

"Tony and I." I inerrupt. I hate bad grammar, okay?

"Fine. Tony and I sort of got hungry last night -we slept in the same room last night in case you're wondering, and not in a perverted way!-" he adds, looking me right in the eyes. I wipe the silly grin off my face. "Continue."

"And as the Awesome Me already said, we got hungry and came down here for a midnight snack. End of awesome story." he finishes, looking at me as if to say "What are you going to do about it?" I sigh. I don't especially want to fight right now.

"Okay. I guess we need to go shopping then. And you guys need new clothes, don't you? Yeah, I guess Walmart it is. I hope to god they haven't seen '333 Ways to get kicked out of Walmart'..." I mutter, turning away and striking a sexy thinking pose. I thought I was talking inside my head, but I guess not, since Gilbert grabs my shoulder and turns me around. "Wait a second, not-as-awesome-as-me albino, what was the last one?"

"What? Did I say that out loud?! Shit!" I say, before composing myself. I guess since it's already out, I might as well explain. "It's exactly what it sounds like; a list of 333 ways to get kicked out of Walmart."

"Can I borrow your laptop?" he asks, and I nod without thinking. Gil grins evilly and runs upstairs. I wander slowly into the living room, shocked. I am so screwed. Matthew stands up, Ivan on his shoulders, then looks to the stairway that Gil ran up.

"Starr, where did Gilbert run off to?" he asks, readjusting Ivan. I put on a smile. "He just went upstairs to use my computer..." I answer. Ivan smiles a little.

"Matvey, can we go see?" Ivan asks, tugging at his ride's ears. Matthew brushes away the little hands and heads to the stairs. "Sure. It might be interesting, whatever he's doing."

Yep, I'm thoroughly screwed.

We'll leave in half an hour.

x:x:x:x:x:x

"TIME TO GO!" I bellow, elicting a few screeches and thumps from upstairs. I walk over to the couch and sit on Tony. I learned a long time ago that this is one of the easiest ways to get him up on short notice. A few seconds go by where nothing happens, but then he starts to mumble and finally he snaps awake. I hop off before he can harm me, and he flails for a minute before realizing nothing's there. He turns over to go back to sleep, but I run over and thump him. He sits up and looks around for a second before focusing in on me.

"Hey Starr, why'd ya wake me up? I was havin' a good dream n' everything!"he mumbles, rubbing his eyes. I roll my eyes. "We have to go shopping. _Someone_ ate all the food in the house!" I say, directing a glare at him. Tony looks down at the floor guiltily. "Sorry." he says, standing up and stretching. I nod in satisfaction and go to the staircase, which the other three boys have yet to come down.

"GILBERT, IVAN, MATTHEW, GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!" I yell. I actually have no real consequence in mind, but my empty threat works because a stampede of giggling boys comes within seconds, and yes, they were actually giggling. Like the hypothetical teenage girl. Anyhoo, Tony and I lead everybody else to the front door, where they all put on assorted shoes and coats I found in my basement yesterday. Of course, some of my Units came with jackets, so I don't have to worry about that too much. Our unruly bunch is out the door with minimal accidents, and we start on our trek to Walmart.

The first five minutes of our walk are rather uneventful, with Matthew, Ivan and Gilbert chatting about something in the back, and Tony and I placing bets on who or next Unit's going to be.

"Five bucks says it's France." Tony says, smirking. I meet his eyes. "Bet it's not."

"How much?"

"Ten bucks."

"Deal." We shake hands and keep walking. It's silent for a few more seconds, until I see the Walmart down the block and decide it's time to give them the information.

"Okay guys, time for the info." I say, getting the three boys' attention. They stop their conversation to look at me. "Everybody gets three pairs of pants, five shirts, a jacket, socks, underwear, and one other item of your choice. Under fifteen dollars each item, please. If you need me, Tony and I will be getting some food in the Grocery section." We arrive at the front entrance to the store. "Matthew, you will be in charge of Ivan. Gilbert, don't grope anybody." I finish, gesturing to the door. "Now go! Be free! Meet me back at this entrance in half an hour!" I call after the already gone nations.

Tony follows me inside, only to find Gilbert holding a flustered salesgirl against the wall, furiously groping her. I storm over and grab Gil's ear, pulling him away from the frightened woman. I shoot her an apologetic look, mouthing "I'm sorry" and pulling Gilbert away.

"What did I say! No groping anybody, remember? Now just go and get your clothes." I hiss, giving his ear one last tug and then shoving him towards the men's department.

"Fine! I'm going, un-awesome bitch!" he grumbles, wandering off. I roll my eyes and turn back to Tony, who's reading a magazine by the counter. "Let's go and get the food. Come on." I say, tugging Tony's sleeve and pulling him to the "grocery" section. Tony quickly puts the magazine back and comes with me.

Ten minutes of shopping later, our basket is pretty much overflowing with assorted foods. Of course we have the basics-milk, bread, and chocolate- but then there's also frozen pizzas, kale (it's like lettuce), and Nutella- stuff we don't usually get. Hey, if we're spending a crap-ton of money, a few extra things won't hurt, right? Anyways, we are peacefully examining a box of chocolates when there's a commotion from a few isles over. Then, Gilbert is led towards us by two beefy security guards, one on each arm. I stare at him for a second, before one of the guards speaks up in a gravelly voice.

"I belive this belongs to you, miss." he says, thrusting Gil towards me. I snap out of my daze and take the offending albino from the guy's grasp. "Yes it is. Thank you, sir." I say, pulling a (for some reason, grinning) Gilbert towards me. "Although, may I ask what he did wrong?"

The other guard nods."He was sitting on top of one of the shelves with a fishing rod, trying to get items from other customers' carts." he says.

I gape at Gilbert, who nods proudly. "That I did. Totally worth it." he confirms. I twist his arm, and he shuts up. The first guard gets my attention again. "If he gets caught doing another offense, he will be kicked out. Have a nice day, miss." And with that, the guards walk away. I stand there for a second before turning to Gilbert.

"If you leave my sights again" I hiss, looking him in the eye, "We will be eating albino stew for dinner tonight." Gilbert shudders and nods. Then the rather confused Tony nudges my arm.

"We should go make sure Ivan and Matthew are okay. Who knows what they're doing?" Okay, the guy has a point there. I nod. "Let's go. You too, Gil." I say, pulling the two boys away. Halfway to the men's department, however, I get distracted by a display of video games. "Ooh! Pretty! Look, they have that one Darryn said was so good!" I say, leaning over and pointing. Tony looks, then nods. "Cool. But we have to go, remember?" he says, tugging my shirt. I sigh and stand up straight again. "Okay. Come on, let's go Gilb-"

Gilbert's gone.

In the split second I released him, the little weasel escaped! God damnit, he could be anywhere by now! Tony seems to be reading my mind, and grabs my arm to stop me from running off and tearing him limb to limb. "It's okay, we'll find him later. We all have to meet at the front in five minutes, remember? We'll find him then." Tony says, loosening his grip on my arm as I calm down. I take a deep breath and continue to the men's department.

Ivan and Matthew aren't there after five minutes of searching, so we go to the front. There are the two sane boys, each holding an armful of clothes and talking. I let out a breath. Thank God they're there, at least. We all greet each other, then start waiting for Gilbert to show up. We wait. And wait. And wait. Ten minutes later, Gilbert still hasn't appeared, and we are all extremely bored. I sigh.

"Come on, you guys, let's just go check out. I'm sure he'll be here soon." Everyone agrees and we go to the checkout. Within fifteen minutes, we have all our stuff checked out, I've dished out a whole crap-ton of money, and Gilbert still hsn't appeared. We're about to leave without him, when he finally shows up, panting with a huge grin on his face. He's also holding a mountain of clothes that I sincerely hope he paid for. "Come on, we have to go, now. Hurry!"

Gilbert pulls us out the double doors, and we take off sprinting down the street- which is excessively hard considering the fact that we each have about fourteen bags on our arms. Finally we arrive home, and we all collapse inside on the couch. Once we catch our breath, I decide to find out wht exactly happened back there.

"Gil, what happened back there?" I ask warily, not quite sure if i want to hear the answer. Gil just grins, then begins to tell his tale.

"Well, once I escaped from you, I went and got my clothes. I paid for them, then waited for you for a bit, but I got bored. So then, I took a buch of bras and underwear, and gave them to people and tried to get them to try them on. After I got tired of that, I opened a bag of frozen carrots and threw them at people. When I hit them I screamed 'bull's eye!' Then, finally, I took a box of pencil crayons and taped them to people. Then security was called in, which is not awesome, and we left."

I facepalm. We're probably banned from that place for life.

Well, at least we got our food.

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**A/N OH MY GOD. This is by far my longest chapter so far! Seriously- 13 KB of writing, or over 2,500 words! HORY FAHKING SHET. Anywho, as for the things that Gilbert did, the last one I have actually done to people at school. It was so much fun! Um... yeah. ^_^ Read and review! Seriously, review, you guys. Reviews are brain fuel and make me full of happy! WTC out!~**


	12. Examinations of Purchases

**Hey bros, I'm back! Sorry for the stupidly long update, I was on a trip and there was no wifi for most of it ^_^; We went through a town called Balzac. It made my laugh. If you don't get it, say the name out loud; preferably loudly in front of your parents/teacher/someone who is likely to judge you. It is amusing. Also, nearly 3,00 views to this! SERIUSLY U GUIYS, THANX! ****Anyway, I'll stop babbling and let you read. And review, if you don't mind :D**

**Disclaimer: All I own is the OC's and the storyline. In other words, not Hetalia! seriously, don't sue poor little What The C.**

Once we've all mostly recovered from our ordeal- or in other words, half an hour later- I decide I should make sure that everyone got what I said they should. I would hate to go back there; actually, I don't think the guards would let us back in. Anywhoo, I think I'll start with Ivan.

In his pile of clothes, Ivan has socks and underwear, a pair of jeans and a pair of sweatpants, two long sleeved shirts, one yellow tanktop, a white t-shirt, and a yellow t-shirt with a pattern of sunflowers. Ivan picked white sweater that fades into yellow at tha bottom. Of course. his item of choice is a stuffed teddy bear holding a sunflower-which is actually cute beyond words, but still. I nod and move on to Gilbert's pile.

Gilbert has four pairs of skinny jeans in various colors-but I only said three, dammit!- five graphic tees, a black and white checkered hoodie, and a notebook with the words "I'm Awesome" written on it. Figures.

"Nice choice, Gil." I say, picking up the notebook.

Gil snatches the book out of my hands and hold it in the air like a trophy. "The book speaks the truth about my awesomeness!" he proclaims, waving his notebook back and forth. I arch an eyebrow at him and move on.

Matthew's clothes are two pairs of jeans, two white t-shirts and a red one, a plaid button-up coat, and socks and underwear. His item of choice was a small flask with a maple leaf on it. What the heck's he going to do with that? Put, like, spiked maple syrup in it? Actually, it's a distinct possibility. I'll just stop thinking about it now. Also, no wonder Matthew's barely noticed, he's sort of boring. But, he's my homeland, and he makes kick-ass pancakes, so there.

I nod and step back from my inspection. Looks like everybody got what thay needed. Tony and I got our groceries, plus one extra item each. Tony got a pack of mechanical pencils -for his sketching, I assume- and I got a small disposable camera. Hey, you never know when it'll come in handy- especially when I'm living with four boys. Okay, I'm a bit of a yaoi fangirl, but at least I'm not a rabid one like some people I know *coughTanyacough* Um... I never said anything.

Matthew comes up to me and tugs on my sleeve. I turn towards him"Excuse me Starr, I hate to bother you,but would you mind if I made lunch? I mean, everyone's hungry, and if it's okay with you..." he says quietly (but then again, he's always quiet.) He trails off, and I'm about to respond to his insane adorableness, but Tony interrupts.

"Yeah, Mattie, I think it's best if you cook. I mean, Starr's not exactly the most culinarily adept person you'll ever meet. Is culinarily even a word? It is now. Also, make me poutine please." Tony says, wandering over to us. At the mention of poutine, Matt's face lights up. "Okay then, I'll make some poutine. I'll let you guys know when it's ready." Matt says, and scurries off to the kitchen. I call after him, "There's frozen french fries in the freezer, and cheese in the fridge, and gravy in a can in the cupboard over the sink!"

Then Gilbert and Ivan walk over, Gilbert stepping on the back of Ivan's shoes. I know from experience that's annoying as hell, so I thump Gil's temple and he stops.

"So, what are you not-as-awesome-as-me people going to do for the rest of the day? I'm going to be using your laptop, Starr, just so you know." Gil says, edging towards the stairs. I grab him by the back of the shirt and pull him back. "Oh, no you don't. I'm going to be on there. You can, like, write in your diary, or take a nap, whatever, I don't really care. As long as it's relatively quiet and not destructive. And don't hurt anyone!" I call as I go up the stairs to my room. I sit down on my bed, pushing my pyjamas and that empty ice cream bucket off the bed. I then open my laptop, pull up Netflix, and immerse myself in mind-numbing television.

x:x:x:x:x:x

I'm brought back to reality by a soft knocking on my door. I close my computer and go to the door, straightening my clothes. "Who is it?" I call as I get to the door, opening it a crack. I'm greeted by Matthew in front of me and an amazing smell.

"It's me, Matthew. Lunch is ready." he says, shuffling his feet awkwardly. He's so cute! I mean, um, handsome. Cause that's what boys are. I'm about to say how hungry I am, but my stomach grumbles loudly and eliminates any need to do so. I snicker and step outside. "As you can tell, I'm pretty hungry. Let's go!" I say, closing the door behind me.

I dash down the stairs, with Matt trailing behind. I arrive in the kitchen, where that wonderous scent is coming from, and see the kitchen table piled high with pancakes, waffles, poutine, soup, fruit, and tons more food. I gape at it and turn around, only to find Gil, Tony, and Ivan standing proudly behind him.

"What? Where... Did you...? Food." I say, along with some rather incomprihensible mumbling. Mattie looks at me and waves a hand in front of my face. "You okay?" he asks in concern. I shake my head. "Yeah, I'm fine. But, food. Did you guys...?" I say, having recained the ability to mke full sentences. Gil steps forwards and grins.

"Yeah, us awesome people helped Birdie make lunch! Or breakfast, because it's mostly breakfast foods, but whatever! If you look closely, each of us added something awesome to the meal!" Gil announces, gesturing wildly and almost hitting Tony in the face. I look past a profusely blushing Matt (birdie?) and to the table. Sure enough, there's some piroshiki from Ivan, maple syrup fromMatt, breakfast sausage -wurst?- from Gil, and churros from Tony. Yeah, churros. He's just awesome like that. And Spanish.

Gil interrupts my observation. "Did you know Tony's Spanish? Like Spain! Well, obviously, but still." he says, grabbing Tony's shoulders.

"Yeah, I sort of knew that. Seeing as I've been living with him for quite a while." I say, smiling. Then Ivan, who'd been quiet up until now, pipes up. "You know all of our backgrounds, what about yours?" he says, walking over to me. I look down at him. "Okay. Let's see. I have lots of different things. I hold up a hand and start to tick off the things on my fingers. "I have Ukrainian"

The boys very obviously direct their gazes to my chest. "Doesn't show too much." says Gil, and I cross my arms over my chest and continue.

"-And Norweigan, and Canadian, and finally British." I finish. They all stare at me. Gilbert speaks first.

"Well, that explains a lot." he says, and everyone else nods in agreement. I huff and go to the table. "Shut up and eat." I say, and start to shovel food onto my boys share a look and come over to the table, and we settle down into our gigantic meal.

:x:x:x:x:x:

"I'm gonna explode." Gilbert moans.

"You'll have to hose me off the walls." I add.

"Is this what being pregnant feels like?"

"No!"

"And you would know how...?"

"...Touche."

We're all sitting on the couch, rubbing our stomachs and moaning about how stuffed we are. The giant meal we just ingested was insanely delicious, very huge, and awesome. Plus there's going to be enough leftovers for tomorrow! Yay! No cooking! Not that I would be cooking anyways, but still. Ivan is sitting on Matthew's lap, who is sitting beside Gilbert (who keeps poking Ivan), who is on my right, with Tony on my left. Chatting aimlessly for the last twenty minutes is the closest for peaceful we've gotten in the last two days- at least where everyone's awake, anyways. It's pretty nice.

"Hey, guess what." Tony says.

"What?" I answer.

"I'm-" he starts, but I interrupt.

"You better not say hungry!" I screech.

"-I was going to say bored. Can we do something?" he says, rolling his eyes. Hey! That's my sign of exasperation! I stand up and stretch. "I guess. I have to burn off all this building fat, anyways."

I pull everybody else's butts off the couch, despite their protests, and leave them in the living room while I run upstairs to get my bag. I grab it and run back downstairs, where the boys already have their shoes on. I usher them out the door and we go to the curb before I decide to ask a question.

"So" I ask, getting everybody's attention. "Where are we going?"

Matthew sighs. "I thought you knew!" he whispers.

Gilbert gapes for a second, then turns to pouting. "You mean you pushed all of us outside into the unawesome outdoors, just to ask us where we're going? So not awesome!" he says, crossing his arms like a toddler having a temper tantrum. Which is pretty much what he's doing. Anywhoo, I look to Tony to find out where we're going.

"Um... Walmart?" he says, shrugging and grinning. I whack his arm and he punches me back. "Okay, just kidding. How about the park?" he amends, pointing to the park nearby. I grin, and so does Ivan.

"Yeah!" I yell, charging off to the park with a gleeful Ivan not far behind. Tony, Matthew, and Gil watch for a few seconds, then run after us. Our park adventure begins!

**A/N La la la... crappy filler chapter! BUT! It's setting the scene for next chapter! So you're gonna have to deal with it! *puts on sunglasses* I'm going to go on Tumblr after I post this :D I've wasted hours on there... Yeah, I really have to get a life. Yeppers. Um.. nothing to say here! Lalala... ha. I'll go now. Review! And stay awesome!**

**Epic glomps from What The Crapola!~**


	13. Could this day get anymore insane?

**Check it out you guys, lucky chapter 13! Sorry for the wait, I just know you guys were eagerly anticipating this next part! *cough* Not. *cough* Yep. Another chapter. Mental scarring, anybody? Holy cheese nipples, I didn't know I could write anything this serious. And how the hell do you spell maliciously? Hey, you know what would be cool? Fanart of this story. Not that I'll get any, because I'm just that forever alone, but still. Oh my gondola, I just looked at the stats for this story and there's over three thousand views, and 43 reviews! Hey, guess what? 50th reviewer gets to have Romano give them a tomato!**

**Romano: What the hell, bastard? I never agreed to this! Plus I'm not giving away any of my fucking tomatoes, either!**

**Disregard him, he's giving you tomatoes whether he likes it or not! :D Anyway! Read!**

**Disclaimer: Let me see, I was just looking through all the things I own! A beat up DSi? Check. A tube of raspberry lipgloss? Check. A stuffed dinosaur named Bazazadeedoo? Check. Hetalia? A BIG FAT RED X. So don't sue me, unless you actually own Bazazadeedoo.**

Ivan and I arrive at the park panting and sweaty. About two minutes later, the older boys get to the tree we're under, looking even more wiped out than we are.

"What, can't take a little running?" I tease, collpsing against the trunk of the tree. Ivan sits beside me and starts to make a chain of little yellow flowers.

"Yeah, it's just that...Um...We got lost on the way and ended up going an extra three blocks!" Gil pants, falling against the tree opposite ours. Tony and Matthew sit on the ground in between us, and we do our best to catch our breath. I pick a handful of flowers and start to make chains like my mother taught me. Tony and Gil watch in fascination as Matthew joins in, and then Tony reaches over and picks some flowers. After failing the first few attempts, he gets his courage up and asks.

"Starr, how do you make those flowery chainy things?" he asks, tossing a handful of mangled flowers over his shoulder. I look up and hold up my chain that I'm working on.

"Like these?" I say, wiggling the chain around a little.

"Yeah! Show me, Albie!" Tony says exitedly, like a kid on Christmas morning. I sigh and move so I'm sitting down between him and Gil, and pick some flowers.

"First you poke a hole in the stem with your fingernail," I say, demonstrating. "Then you put the stem of another flower through, and pull it so the head is at the hole. But not too much or else the head will go right through." Tony nods and grabs the two flowers from my hands. He puts a hole in the stem and pulls a flower through. "Like this?" he asks, continuing on to the next flower.

"Yeah. Just kep that up and you'll have a chain in no time." I say, and with a nod, I stand up. "I need to use the little girl's room. BRB!" I say, standing up and dusting myself off. Ivan climbs on to Matthew's lap, making it somewhat harder for him to make his chain, but whatever.

"Okay, I'll watch over everyone else." Matthew assures me, moving Ivan's head out of the way. I smile gratefully and set off to the washrooms.

As I'm washing my hands afterwards, I hear a commotion outside. Hm, whoever it is sounds pretty rowdy. I'l have to keep a lookout. However, when I exit, all I see is a small family of ducks.

"Aww, duckies!" I coo, crouching down and peering over my knees at the little birds. There's three babies and two parents, and they don't seem to be scared of me at all. That is until they freeze and look panicked, and then fly away. I stand up and reach out to the birds that are now at the other side of the park. "Wait birdies! I won't hurt you! I swear I won't make you into fried ducks!" I say lowering my arm. I'm about to turn around and head back to the boys when a large pair of hands clamps onto my shoulders. I stiffen and try to turn away, but whoever it is has a strong grip.

"Hey there girlie, come here alone?" rasps a male voice too close to my ear for comfort. I take a deep breath to calm myself. "No, I didn't. Now if you'd please let me go..." I twist my shoulders but to no avail.

"Sorry baby, but you ain't getting away that easy." he says, and the alcohol on his breath curls my nose hairs. This is not good. I have three options. Call for help- the boys are well out of earshot, try to fight- there's not a very good chance of escaping, or stay and hope someone finds me. I think the last option is my best chance for now. I relax my shoulders and turn my head so I can see the offender out of the corner of my eye. From what I can see, there's a bony chin, a red baseball cap, and stubble on a thin face. Of course, it's the stereotypical sex offender. Lucky me. The man shifts his grip so he's holding me by my wrists, and he leads me ove a small hill.

"Okay, so what do you wanna do first, girl?" he says, shoving me to the ground and pinning me down. I flail wildly for a second, nailing him in the shin, and smile as he grimaces in pain. "Let me go!" I say, wiggling for a few more seconds before I realize the futility and stop. The guy smirks and tightens his grip. "Sorry, but that's not an option."

I decide to go for one of my other options and start to scream. "TONY! GIL! MATT! HELP! I JUST WANT THE DUCKIES!" I screech loudly until the evil guy puts a hand over my mouth. "You want the ducks?" he says in confusion. "I didn't think you were into that kinda thing." I roll my eyes, and with my now free hand, dig my nails into his rib cage.

While he's distracted with that, I wriggle my other hand free and dig my nails into the flesh on his inner elbow. He howls in pain and clutches his arm, and I see that I managed to draw blood. Cool. I raise my arms to deal more damage, but before I can, something metallic-looking comes out of nowhere and hits him square in the head, knocking him off me and onto the ground. After sitting frozen for a few seconds and the man doesn't move, I assume he's unconsious and wriggle myself away from him. Sure enough, on closer inspection, the man is out cold and has a big gash on his cheek.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see something shine. There on the ground beside the man is a rather familiar metal pipe. I whirl around to see the boys about ten feet away, Ivan smiling maliciously on Matthew's shoulders. Tony takes a tentative step forwards and holds out a hand.

"Starr? Are you okay?" he asks, taking another step towards me. I stare at his outstretched hand. What if he wants to hurt me too? But then I shake the stupid thought from my head. It's Tony, the guy I've known all my life and have lived with for the last year and a half. I'm pretty sure he's okay. I take a few steps and place my hand softly on his. He tightens his grip, and for a split second I'm terrified, but then he pulls me into a bone-crushing embrace. The other three boys crowd around me and hug me too, and for a minute there, I feel safe. The other boys walk off, and it's just Tony and I. But then the reality of what happened sinks in.

I feel a few tears roll down my cheeks and onto Tony's t-shirt. He pulls back a little and looks at me. "Aww, Albie. It's okay, Ivan and Mattie are taking care of the bad dude over there." I turn my head, sniffling, and Ivan and Matt are tying the still unconscious guy to a tree. Wow, Ivan must have hit him hard. I wipe my eyes and squeeze Tony one last time, then turn to Gil who was watching this whole thing.

"You never saw me cry, okay?" I say, and Gil nods. Then he brings out his hands, which were behind his back, and holds out a loop of flowers. "Come here." he says, and I obey. He puts the flower crown on my head and gives me a quick hug. "That guy's not awesome. You're way awesomer than him." he says, and I smile into his shoulder. He can be so sweet when he wants to. Then he lets go, and I see Ivan and Matt poking at the guy, who I think is starting to wake up.

I narrow my eyes and step back, with Gil and Tony on either side of me. The guy opens his eyes and reaches up to rub his head; however, when he realizes he's tied up, he widens his eyes and looks wildly around. He spots Tony, Gil and I , and then before he can do anything, Matt steps into his line of vision. He's holding his hockey stick- where'd that come from?- with a rather meancing-looking Ivan beside him. I catch a few 'kol's' from Ivan's direction, and unwillingly shudder. That kid's creepy. I hear Matt speak up, and it catches my attention.

"What's your name, sir?" Matt asks in an innocent voice. The man looks at him and spits out "Derek." So, Derek it is. Matt takes a step forwards, and Derek panics. He sticks out a leg and nearly kicks Ivan, but Matt swiftly brings down his hockey stick on Derek's ankle. There's an audible crack, and Derek yelps in pain and pulls in his leg. "No, no, we can't have you fighting back. You need to suffer for what you did to our friend." God, that's creepy. I see Ivan tug on Matthew's sweater, and whisper something to the older boy. Matt nods, and they get sadistic smiles on their faces. Ivan turns to us and smiles with perfect innocence.

"Matvey says for you to go home." he says to Gil. "We can take care of Derek." I smile but shiver, thinking of what they'll do to_ poor, unfortunate Derek_. Okay, maybe I'm enjoying the thought of it a little too much, but whatever. Gil and Tony tug my arms, and I turn away with Derek's whimpers of fear echoing off the trees behind me. Mind games are always fun. A loud screech reaches my ears as we leave the park, and I smile knowing that these are people who would come to my rescue when I need it the most.

**A/N Okay, maybe I enjoyed this chapter a little too much. It goes from sweet to scary in like two seconds flat, doesn't it? Also, the ending is a little corny too. Wow. I didn't know I could write like this. Well, actually, I did. You should see some of what I write off the topic of Hetalia XD I was laughing manically throughout most of this. Anyways, yeah. Read and review and whatever. Enjoy! **

**OH! Also, on my story Carrots, there was a guest reviewer named **russia fan**, and their review was really nice and made me smile :D So, if you're reading this **russia fan**, thanks and I'm glad you enjoy! You know, guests, you can come off anon! I won't bite... Probably c:**

**Did I mention, review? :D**

**WTC is done here~ **


	14. An Abundance of Idiocy or Maybe Not!

**A/N Aaaaaanndddd... I'm back again! Yay! :D Okay, so here's the ending to this crazy long day. It spans, like, 4 chapters! DUUUDE. Eeyup, I don't have very much time here, so I'm gonna shut up and allow you to enjoy the much-needed conclusion to this arc. Okay! Shutting up!**

**Disclaimer: LISTEN TO ME IN MY TOTAL HERO VOICE, GUYS! I don't own Hetalia, stain sticks, or Walmart. **

By the time we get home, it's two thirty. Wow, we were at the park for a while. I go into the kitchen and pull out some leftovers from the fridge, while Tony and Gilbert go upstairs. I'm just going to assume they're not going to break anything or each other; it seems to be the safest this way. I snarf down some snacks for the next five minutes, then dump the container into the sink. I then go and sit on the couch. I think I'll try to get a nap in before Matthew and Ivan get home.

"NOOOOO!" comes a cry from upstairs. Crap, and I was just about to get to sleep too! Wait...That sounds like Gil! Oh, I hope he's okay. I get up and dash up the stairs to the spare storage room, where the sound's emanating from. Wow, I didn't even remember we had that room. I throw open the door, where the screams have turned to sobs, and see Gil curled up on the floor sobbing softly. I crouch down next to him and poke his shoulder.

"Are you okay, Gil?" I ask, stroking his head. He sniffles and raises his head, then seems to realize it's me and widens his eyes. He jumps up, wiping is eyes, and puts his hands on his hips. "I'm awesome as always. Except you have no _bier_ left!" he cries, pointing to the corner of the room where there's an empty case of beer in the corner. I didn't know we had any beer. Hm. You learn something new every day, I guess.

"When did you find it?" I ask, stating my thoughts. He looks at me as if it's perfectly obvious. "I found it the day I got here! I was bored, so I decided to investigate all the rooms, an I found a case of _bier_!" he says, gesturing wildly to demonstrate his point. I nod. "Well, I didn't even know we had that. But I guess I'll have to get more now, hey?" I say, more to myself than anyone else. I start to leave the room, but Gil grabs my sleeve and tugs me back. "No! We need to go get more awesome beer!" he cries, tugging rapidly at my arm. I roll my eyes at him.

"The nearest liquor store is five blocks away, and-" I glance out the window "-It's raining. I don't especially want to go outside especially." Gil looks at me and makes a puppy dog face. Now, I know I said I can resist cute things fairly well,but this is just unfair. I sigh and look at Tony, who appeared in the doorway two minutes ago. "Take him to the liquor store. You have half an hour." I instruct, pointing out the door. Tony nods and salutes me goofily. "Yes ma'am. Be right back." he says, waving for Gilbert to follow. The albino does, and the two boys march down the stairs. I hear stomping, laughter, and a "kesesesesese" before the door slams and it's silent. I let out a breath. I'd better go and wait for Ivan and Matthew to get home.

I go downstairs and sit myself on the couch. I pull up Netflix and scroll through shows until I come across Fairly Odd Parents. I guess it'll do for now. I press play, pull a blanket overtop of me, and settle in.

x:x:x:x:x:x

A knocking at the door pulls me from my cartoon marathon, and I pull myself to my feet. I'm walking to the door and then a thought hits me. "Please don't be another Unit." I beg quietly. I look through the peephole and see Ivan and Matthew standing at he door. I open the door for them, and they step inside.

"You know, you guys don't have to knock if you- holy shit." I say, taking in the boys. Both their coats are stained with splatters of blood. Ivan looks up at me. "What's wrong, Mother Russia?" he asks, smiling innocently. I now know not to trust that smile. I stare at them for a few more seconds before remembering to speak.

"You-your clothes... Blood." I stutter, taking a step back but smiling. "Cool."

Matthew smiles pleasantly. "Yeah, but it's just a bit. It'll come out with one of those stain stick thingies. You have one, I assume?" he says, waving a hand as if to dismiss it. I step forwards again and look them up and down, meeting both of their eyes. "So." I start. "What exactly did you do to Derek?"

Matthew smiles at the ceiling, as if recalling a fond memoory. "After you left,we took our weapons and-" he starts, but I cut him off. "On second thought, I don't want to know. Go take off your coats and put them in the laundry room, I'll take care of them." I say, pointing to the laundry room off the kitchen. He nods and helps Ivan get his coat off, then heads into the laundry room.

I sigh and go into the living room, glancing at the clock. It's been about an hour since I sent Tony and Gilbert out. I hope they're okay. If they're not back within another hour... Well, I don't exactly know what I'll do, but whatever. Insert threat here, that kinda thing. I guess I'll just have to wait them out.

x:x:x:x:x:x

It. Has been. Two. Hours. Where the hell are they? I mean, not that I'm worried about them or anything, but it's just that... um... they need to have dinner! Right! So they can be healthy, and stuff. Yeah. Anywhoo, they should be home by now! Not good, not good, not good...

Suddenly, I hear talking and stomping from outside. I run to the door and fling it open, and sure enough, there's Tony and Gil. However, Gil is draped over Tony like a blanket, and Tony's looking at me apologetically. I rol my eyes and look at the upright boy for an explanation, and he gets the message and pulls Gil inside and leans him against the wall. "We went to the store and got two cases of German lager, but then Gil convinced me to stop at the park, and we did, and then he, like, drank an entire case by himself, and then..." He gestures to Gil, who is trying on one of my jackets- "This happened."

Seriously? Like I need to deal with this right now! Gil stumbles over to me and leans onto my shoulder. I try to shake him off and succeed, but he falls backwards and onto the couch, where-mumbling incoherently in German- he buries his face in a pillow and starts to snore. Wow. Just- wow. I guess it was bound to happen eventually, eh? Did I just say 'eh'? I did. I derail my idiotic train of thought and go to the coat closet, pulling out a spare blanket and leaving Tony to bring the remaining beer upstairs. And hiding it, but that's beside the point.I go back to the couch and drape the blanket over Gilbert's unconscious form. I then go up to my room.

"If every day is as chaotic, tramautic, and all- around insane as this one, I'm going to end up commiting suicide within the week." I mumble, along with a choice few profanities as I change into my pyjamas. I'm just about to crawl into bed, when Tony knocks on my door and immediately comes in. "To quote iCarly, 'Can I come in? Say yes, 'cause I'm already inside.' '' he says, walking over and seating himself beside me on my bed. I smile and scootch over, allowing him more space. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I just wanted to see if you're okay. I mean, today was crazy. New Units, huge brunches, Walmart disasters, attempted rape, and intoxicated Gilbert- which wasn't that bad, but still." I nod in agreement. Matt only arrived this morning, but already that seems like an eternity ago. "Yeah, it's pretty bad."

We sit in silence for a few more seconds, before Tony speaks up again. "So, are you okay? Like, after you got assaulted and all?" he asks, genuine concern in his voice. I put on a smile and look at him. I nod, but feel unwilling tears form behind my eyes and threaten to spill over my eyelashes. I try to blink them away, but Tony notices and gives me a hug. "I knew you weren't okay. Want to talk about it?"

"Not especially, but since you asked so nicely..." I say, then take a deep but shaky breath and begin. "I'm kind of scared. I mean, that man- Derek- is really dickish. Wait, that's not the right word. Awful. I can't belive people like him really exist. I've heard about similar instances on the news and whatever, but since it didn't impact me directly, I didn't worry about it. But now I've been a- for lack of better term, victim- I realize it does matter, and they do exist and are hurting innocent people all over the world right now. People...People like me."

The tears that were brimming fall, leaving dark spots on my lavender pillowcase. Tony gives me another hug and mumbles reassurances- it's not going to hapen again, you're safe here, just let it out. And I do. All my problems, worries, and insecurities come flowing out in a moment of weakness. An idle thought reaches my head. This is just like some tear-jerker movie Tanya made me watch once. This untimely thought surprises me and I start to giggle, surprising Tony as I sort of hiccup-laugh despite the tears still flowing freely down my cheeks. He looks at me and half smiles.

"Why are you laughing, Albie? Did I say something funny?" he asks in confusion, and I smile and wipe my face on my comforter. "No, I'm just tired. I'm going to go to bed now, night Tony." I say, climbing under my blanket and resting my head on the now slightly damp pillow. Tony nods and gives my shoulder one last squeeze, then leaves the room and closes the door softly behind him. I smile into my pillow. We might not be the most likely duo, but we'll make it just fine.

**A/N Awww, crowning moment of heartwarming! Heh! Wow,another unlikely genre at the end there. There'll most likely be more drunken Gil later, I just don't know exactly how to write him so I made him all tame and boring D: Yeah. I think I might do an omake from Tony's POV, showing what he and Gil did when they went to the liquor store. This chapter kinda sucks, since I didn't really know how to have Starr deal with being molested like that. My assumption is that she just didn't know how to deal, so she hid it, but it came out when Tony showed he really cared. Aww, so sweet. I should shut up now and get to writing the next chapter. I'm just making this up as I go along, you know :) Okay, shutting up now. Genre-confused WTC away!~**


	15. Four Idiots and Some Pets

A/N AUUUGH! Writher's block is an ass. I have the next chapter written, but after that... yeah, I'm a slacker. I have nothing really to say here. Oh! You guys, the amount of views and reviews and stuff to this cruddy story is overwhelming! I love you people who are insane enought to read and enjoy it! So thanks. Also, THE AMOUNT OF VIEWS IS OVER FOUR THOUSAND! I'm not even sorry. Sorry for any typos or whatever.

Disclaimer: Himapapa and all his creations are awesome. But alas, they are not mine.

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For once, I wake up to a peaceful, empty bedroom. My eyes flutter open and I let them adjust to the light slowly, savoring the feeling of not being crushed awake. It's almost too good to be true. Of course, I just jinxed myself, as the door slams open and three boys file in. Matthew is reluctantly holding up a small cake, and everybody else is holding sparklers and wearing party hats. What. The. Fuck. But, it gets weirder. Then Ivan comes over to me and puts a party hat on my head, waves to the other two weirdoes, and they start singing "Happy Birthday" at the top of their lungs. I want to roundhouse kick them in the faces and go back to bed, but it's like a car crash; I can't look away, no matter how horrible. Once they're finished their improptu serenade, Tony comes up to me and sits beside me. I look at him in confusion and anger.

"What the fuck are you idiots doing?"

Tony grins. "I was hoping you'd ask! You seemed a little upset, so I went out and got these things and then this morning I organized this with everyone else! Except Gil. As far as I know, he's still passed out on the couch." he says, making random gestures with his hands.

"But... Why a birthday cake? It's not my birthday!" I say, looking at the cake which is decorated with a big icing "Happy Birthday" in loopy lettering. Tony shrugs and half-smiles.

"The store only had those ones left. Also, I know it's not your birthday. That's not for another two weeks. But still, it cheered you up, no?"

I facepalm but smile. Seriously, my conflicting emotions have, like, started World War III in my head. Should I be mad? Pleased? Or just confused? I settle for the latter and swing my legs over the edge of the bed, stretching and yawning before standing up once the risk of head rush is past.

"So, I have one question. Can I have cake or what?"

Matthew smiles shyly and hands me the cake. I look around for something to cut the cake with, but finding nothing, I pretty much say "to hell with it" and grab a peice of cake with my hand, cramming it into my mouth in front of some shocked and surprised males. I chew and swallow, grabbing another handful before holding out the plate to the other people. They stare at it for a second and look at each other, then shrug and dig in. We sit ourselves in acircle on the floor, eating cake with our hands until there's no more left.

"Yum." I say, pushing the plate away from me. Ivan is covered in icing, and is currently licking it off his fingers. I watch him for a second, then follow suit and start to lick off the cake remains. Tony and Matthew take a towel off the floor and wipe themselves off, then we stand up and go downstairs. We chat mindlessly with minimal arguments, then end up satnding awkwardly in a circle in the kitchen.

"Well." Matthew says.

"This is awkward." I finish, making everybody smile. "Let's go to the living room."

We do, and are about to sit down, when I remember about Gil. I hold the three boys back and go up to the albino's blanket-covered form. I jab him a couple of times, and when that doesn't work, I give up and put my face close to his ear. "Gilbert..." I whisper breathily into his ear. "Wake up, Gil..." After about thirty seconds of this and some embarrased giggling from the onlookers, Gil opens his eyes blearily. With some mumbling in German, he seems to realize his position; and without thinking, he bolts upright and nearly hits me in the face. I fall backwards, but Tony catches me and helps me to my feet again.

Gil whips around a few times, taking in his surroundings, bu then he seems to notice something and his head falls into his hands. Ah, hangover. I see. I walk back over to him and tap his shoulder, and he groggily turns his head to me. "Um, Gil, do you, like, want anything?" I ask, waving my hand towards the kithcen. "Uh,yeah. Water would be awesome." he croaks, and I nod. "Water it is. Be right back."

I get the water from the kitchen and then start back to the living room, but stop and turn back and set on some water to boil. You never know, he might want tea or something. I finally go back to the couch and hand Gil his water, then stand back and nod, satisfied.

"Hey Starr, I just realized you never opened the small boxes that came with the other Units." Tony says, getting my attention. He points to the corner of the room near the door, where sure enough there's two little crates sitting in front of the remains of the larger ones. I walk over to them and pick them up, testing their weight. I take the lighter one, the one that reads "GILBIRD unit." This should cheer Gil up a bit. I pry it open, which hurts my fingers a lot, and on the bottom there's a little yellow fuzzball along with a sheet of paper on how to activate it. with Gilbird in one hand and the paper in the other, I start to read aloud to the interested watchers.

"There are a few ways to wake up your GILBIRD unit. We have listed the top three ways to awaken it without having your eyeballs pecked out by an angry yellow bird.

"1) If GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit is unawakened, place the unit on top of the box and pat its head.

"2) If GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit is awakened, have aforementioned unit laugh his character laugh or say "I'm awesome". This method has the least chance of awakening the bird improperly, as even if GILBIRD unit is angry at first, it will calm gown at the sight of it's owner.

"3) Whatever state your GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT unit is in, this is the most risk-free method of awakening GILBIRD. All you have to do it press the button in it's underside, and it will wake up slowly, and usually, with minimal damage to you or your property.

"Also, if the bird you recieved is white, DO NOT ASSUME IT'S AN ALBINO GILBIRD. It is not. It is the PIERRE unit, and will make your GILBERT BEILSMIDT unit angry and/or horny. Send it back immediately and you will recieve the correct unit "

We're all silent for a minute, taking it in. These instructions are mearly as complicated as the ones for waking up the actual Units. I shrug and brush past the three boys, and over to Gilbert on the couch. He looks up at me questioningly. "Whaddaya got behind your back?" he asks, trying to move his head to look. I don't let him though. "Close your eyes and you'll fing out." Gil shoots me a suspicious look but complies, and when his eyes are closed, I place the small fuzzball on his head.

"Okay, laugh." I instruct.

"What?" asks Gil in confusion.

"I said, laugh!"

"Okay! Wait, you need to say something funny."

I think for a minute, Gil getting more restless and exited by the second. "Um... I got nothing. Tony?"

"I know!" he says after a moment of consideration. He leans over and whispers something into the albino's ear, and sure enough, after a moment...

"Pfft- kesesesesesesese!" comes his weird laugh, and the little yellow ball on his head slowly stands up, ruffles it's feathers, and takes in the surroundings before hopping down onto his delighted owner's shoulder. Gilbert's already realized what the surprise is, and his eyes fly open and his hands go to his pet. "Gilbird! Okay, you're pretty awesome for getting Gilbird for me. But not as awesome as me, kesesese..." Yep, that cheered him up.

I turn around to get Kumajiro's box, but it is no longer intact. It's sitting on the floor in peices, and there is no polar bear in sight.

"What- where's Kumajiro?"I ask to no one in particular. I sort of flail around and dig through piles of stuff looking for the stray pet. I stop for a second to catch my breath. That's when I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I have a little spaz attack. It turns out to be Matthew, holding Kumajiro. So that solves that problem.

"When did you wake up Kumajiro?" Iask, scratching aforementioned bear between the ears.

"When you and Tony were getting Gilbert to laugh, Ivan and I figured out how to get Kumatroopi up and about." he answers, squeezing his pet tighter.

"I'm think his name's Kumajiro."

"No, I'm pretty sure it's Kumosuyo. I would know, I'm his owner."

I facepalm, then turn back to the other boys. Gilbert and Tony are teasing and poking Ivan, who's slowly growing a purple aura. I guess I should get out of here before something horrible happens. Matt seems to get the same idea and trails me out of the room and into the kitchen, where I set about making breakfast. well, not so much making it, but getting ingredients together while Matthew orders me around and actually does the cooking. Which is a much better arrangement, if you ask me.

A/N WHOO 15 chapters done! w00t *starts the wave* Yeah! Lame ending is lame. In fact, lame chapter is lame; it's just a useless filler, but I hope it provided some lulz. Pfft, I just made up the instructions for awakening Gilbert, and also, Starr obviously didn't just push the button on the bottom; she had to make him laugh. Anywho, I need some Ideas. CHAIR MODE ACTIVATE! *boop* Yay Pewdiepie! Is anyone else reading this a bro? Me gusta. Yeah, I'm quite the nerd. Rage comics, Reddit, anime, Pewdiepie... I'll stop being irritating now. Okay, ttyl! Lol textspeak. Pretty annoying if you ask me, though. Review, my slavemonkeys! And I might add in some PruCan! *Is WTC's OTP* Hehe, yeah. Shutting up now.

~Awesomeness through the interwebz from What The Crapola Is This!


	16. How could this happen to me?

**A/N Hey look! A chapter! Ehehehe. Um, yeah, sorry for the wait. *shuffles feet awkwardly* I sorta was lazy, then I went to a wedding and was still lazy, then I drove for two days and was tired. ^_^; So here. Oh! And school's started back up for me, so updates are going to be a bit further apart. Bleh, I'm stuck in the middle of chapter 18 :( Anyway! Read, and get your fill!Then review, my little reviewmonkeys! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. I gotta get to school! yfgi;ygv *spazzes around***

After breakfast, I set to clearing off the table. All the boys went into the living room to play Mario Kart- I can hear the screeches, insults and occasional rage quits emanating from the couch. As I dump the last pile of dishes into the sink, I steal a glance at the clock. About half past twelve. I really should be getting ready for work...

Wait a tick.

Work!

Oh my god, I forgot about work for the last, like, week because of these freaking Units, and now Sian's going to be so mad and might fire me, but I can't afford to be fired, because I have to pay for my house and food and clothes and repairs for whatever the Units might break and I need to stop rambling and get the fuck to work!

I forget all about the dishes and run into the living room, where the boys are arguing over whether blue shells are fair game (which they're not) and, depending on that, who's the rightful winner of the previous match. At my loud and rushed entry, Tony turns around notices me, getting the attention of the other houseguests. "What's up, Starr?" he asks, and I wave a hand dismissively. I'll answer him in a minute.

"Um, Ivan. Can you do the dishes? Okay, cool." I continue to the next sentence before he can respond (which may be a good thing, because I don'tknow if I want to know his response). "And I just realized I'm late for work and I haven't gone for about a week and therefore I am thoroughly screwed. Now if you'll excuse me..." And then I dash up the stairs and into my room, leaving the boys in a whirlwind of confusion.

Once in my room-with the door firmly shut- I change quickly into my uniform and grab my awesome black leather purse. I throw in my house keys, wallet, iPhone, earbuds, mechanical pencil, pocket knife, and a mini chocolate bar from my candy stash. Hey, you never know when you might encounter a giant, hungry troll that has a craving for a mini Snickers bar. Anyways, I leave the bedroom and enter the bathroom, running a brush through my hair while simultanously brushing my teeth. After two minutes, I've finished, put on a bit of mascara and lip gloss, and stared at my gorgeous self in the mirror for a seccond.

I run down the stairs and past Ivan in the kitchen, who is muttering in Russian, and put on my shoes at the front door. "Bye everyone, be back soon, hopefully with my job, and I would like to return to my house and everyone in it still intact!" I call over my shoulder, fitting my feet into my rather uncomfortable shoes and running out the door. I powerwalk to the café, arriving there within twenty minutes. I had to walk because the bus I usually take doesn't come for another fifteen minutes, and my shift starts early today. That's not especially logical, but I'm sticking to it. Anyways, I walk into my workplace, only to find it nearly empty except for my coworkers, an old couple, and a mother with her two children. One of my coworkers comes up to me and hands me her apron.

"Here, your turn. Sian wants to see you in the back room, by the way. Good luck." she says, popping her gum. She flips her hair off her face and walks out of the shop, popping her gum again. God, I hate girls like that. I tie the apron around my waist and head to the back room to tell Sian that I'm here and generally hope to not get fired. I knock at the office door, and wait. A second later, Sian answers. "Come in!" she calls, and I swallow the lump in my throat and enter.

Sian is sitting at her messy desk in the middle of the small room, sunlight filtering through the window beside her. The light falls on her light brown hair, casting ominous-looking shadows on her face. That's pretty creepy. She gestures for me to sit on the chair opposite her, and I comply. I seat myself comfortably, and look at her looks at me for a second,then gets right down to it.

"Starr?"

"Yeah?"

"You're fired."

Well, Sian always did get straight to the point, but that's a little harsh. I sort of expected this to happen, but still. I feel some unwilling tears prick at my eyes, but I blink them back before realizing that Sian was waiting for a reaction. I shake my head and ask the question I already know the answer to. "Why?" I do my best to keep my voice steady, but I can tell I'm not doing a very good job. Sian adusts her apron before replying.

"As you probably already know, you've missed nearly a week of work, and before that, you were often late and not providing your best service. I had given you one last chance after the 'nacho incident'," I giggle a little at the reminder, but shut up at a pointed glare from my boss. "...After the 'nacho incident', but you just used it. I'm sorry, Starr, but if you don't mind, put your apron on the counter in front, and have a nice day." she finishes, standing up and smoothing the creases out of her skirt.

I take this as a cue to leave and stand up too, rummaging around discreetly in my bag for my candy bar, and unwrap it quietly. When Sian's back is to me when she turns around for a second, I pop it in my mouth and enjoy the chocolaty goodness, swallowing quickly when she seems to find the file she was looking for. I lick my lips clean of any chocolate residue, and then turn to leave. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a dish of little toffee candies. Well, a few couldn't hurt. I grab a small handful, smoothing out the dish so it looks like it hadn't been touched, and, satsfied with my work, I leave.

Out in the main dining room, most of the tables have been filled and the room is bustling with noise. A few people look up at me, and I get all self-conscious and flip my hair around my face-as if thet would hide me from the prying eyes. I slowly untie my apron and fold it, neatly placing it on the counter. Then I change my mind and unfold it, crumpling it into a ball and shoving it down the confused cashier's shirt. The room silences, then breaks into hushed whispers and chatters. Sian comes out of the back room, and, seeing the commotion, shifts her attention to me and fixes me in an accusatory glare.

"Star, did you-"

"Yeah, I did. And it was totally worth it. Bye, bitch!" I say, flipping her off. A handful of cusomers applaud me as I take my dramatic exit in stride. As the door closes behind me, replacing the café sounds with the sounds of the cars whizzing by, I relax my tensed shoulders. That was both the most horrible thing that ever happened to me, and the most freeing experience of my life.

Going over the last ten minutes, I feel tears well up in my eyes again and threaten to fall. I can't cry this close to my former workplace, I at least have to get away from here. I run for about ten minutes, hoping that will blow off some steam, but it does almost the opposite and makes me a little angrier. By the time I'm out of breath, I'm nearly home, at a little grove of trees about a block from my house. I do i quick check for anyone I know, and upon finding the coast clear, duck into the grove and allow a few tears to roll down my face. I sit there in silence for a few minutes letting myself cry, until I realize I'm just being melodramatic and stupid. I stand up, brush myself off, and wipe my eyes.

I stert to work my way home, fixing my hair along the way. Five minutes later I've arrived at home, and I can hear boys bashing around inside. That's not especially good. I gingerly open the ddoor, and upon finding no flying kitchen utensils or weapons, I step inside and shut the door behind me. I slip off my sneakers and kick them into the closet, slowly heading into the living room- the source of the noise. In the living room is Ivan and Mathew watching Gil and Tony wrestle. But there's one other thing wrong with this scene.

There's another Unit in the mix, standing on the other side of the sparring duo and watching with quiet amusement.

Without bothering to see who it is, I try to quietly slip up the stairs and go sob in my bedroom, but Ivan notices me and points me out to Matthew.

"Look, Matvey, there's Mother Russia!" he says, walking over to me and jabbing me in the stomach with his now-evident pipe. I nudge the metal away from me and look up to the older boys, who have ceased wrestling and are now watching me with mild intrest. Gibert is the first to do something, and he grabs the oother Unit and drags him/her/it over to me.

"Hey look, you're home. While you were out at your not-awesome restaraunt place, another Unit came. Ha, that sounds dirty. Anyway, we opened the box with minimal problems, and out came this awesome guy!" Gilbert says rapidly and excitedly. He shoves the Unit at me, and the man immediately reaches around me and grabs my butt. I thump the head, which I now realize has blonde hair atop it, and with no apparent pause in the groping, I lash out my leg and make contact. The man falls to the floor in pain- I must have hit 'im where it hurts- and I get a good look at his face. He mutters "Le ow" and my thoughts are proven correct.

France, the perverted country of _l'amour_, has invaded my house.

I promptly turn around, grab my bag, and go up the stairs. "If anyone needs me, I will be sobbing over Skype to Tanya, Kayla, and Darryn."

**A/N Haa, I was so lazy with the firing scene :D Yeah bro, I finished this bitch of a chapter right up! I am just that awesome. And so are you, my followers/reviewers/readers! Speaking of reviews, send me some! They are greatly appreciated! :D Kthxbai! AND THEN WTC FLIES AWAY EPICLY~**


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